Pope Benedict XVI and others have recently drawn attention to the fact that simply putting forward the Church’s unchanging teachings on marriage and sexual morality puts a person in the position of being accused of “hate.” In particular, GLBT (gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered) activists are demanding that Catholics and those of other religions change 4,000-year-old teachings about marriage and sexual morality. When believers answer that they are not authorized to make such changes in what God has revealed, the GLBT activists accuse them of “hate,” even going so far as to charge them with “hate crimes.”
It doesn’t matter how gently the words are spoken or how carefully the message is phrased, the GLBT activists only hear “hate.”
Although there is no one cause for same-sex attraction (SSA), in many instances it can be linked to childhood gender identity disorder — the failure to identify strongly with one’s own same-sex parent or peers in the first two years of life. Some persons with SSA as children wanted to be other sex or pretended to be the other sex, while others simply felt ‘different’ from their same-sex parent and peers.
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Very often the child’s relationship with the father was seriously deficient. Not having a positive, healthy relationship with one’s father affects the way a person deals with authority, rules, and rejection. Often persons with SSA were rejected by peers, who did understand their ‘different’ behavior. Every time the unhealed adult with SSA feels rejection, faces discipline, or is confronted with rules, he remembers the pain of his relationship with his father or peers. He transfers these feelings to those who oppose him and screams in pain “You hate me, you hate me.”
The only real solution in these cases is for persons with SSA to forgive their fathers and to be reconciled with their father God. Until that happens we cannot take their anger personally. We must speak clearly about the need for healing and repentance — but remember that the sexual sin is the fruit of a developmental disorder and often the first sin that must be repented of is the sin of resentment.
I had an opportunity to see this work with a woman who had been involved in lesbian activity. While the healing process was long and difficult, it began when she forgave her parents. From that moment on, she never returned to the same-sex activity.
Persons with SSA are themselves filled with anger and ‘hate’ and they project that on anyone who opposes their demands. They assume we must be as angry as they are. We must constantly remind ourselves that under their anger and their hate, persons with SSA are wounded men and women. As small children they accepted the lie that they were different. They were unable to embrace their true identities as sons and daughters of God. In spite of their anger and false accusations, we must continue to speak the truth. Only by this means can we help them find their way out of the lies in which have been trapped. And most of all we need to pray for them.