Simcha Fisher

Simcha Fisher is a cradle Hebrew Catholic, freelance writer, and mother of eight young kids. She received her BA in literature from Thomas More College in New Hampshire. She contributes to Crisis Magazine and Faith & Family Live!, and blogs at I Have to Sit Down. She is sort of writing a book.

recent articles

The new green is the old stupid.

I know it’s not medically sound, but I find a nice summer tan appealing.  We are the type of New Englanders who celebrate winter by staying as close to bed as possible from November to March, and when we emerge in the spring, we look like ICU patients freshly pried out of a full-body cast:  … Read more

A Lousy Couple of Weeks

A few years ago, we got fleas.  It happened exactly one week after we gave the world’s stupidest cat the old heave ho.  The flaming injustice of this timing should have taught me something about the way the gods of vermin feel about me.  It should have prepared me for what happened to us a few … Read more

So, this guy Kenny “K-Strass” Strasser has been taking his mad yo yo skillz* on a moderately-sized whirlwind tour of TV stations around the midwest.  The only problem with his act is that it goes like this:  “I . . . I don’t have the muscle memory.”  Nice job by the host, though.  He really … Read more

“I don’t have the muscle memory.”

So, this guy Kenny “K-Strass” Strasser has been taking his mad yo yo skillz* on a moderately-sized whirlwind tour of TV stations around the midwest.  The only problem with his act is that it goes like this:  “I . . . I don’t have the muscle memory.”  Nice job by the host, though.  He really … Read more

I like the way he did it better than the way you don’t.

Award-winning actress and sex symbol Raquel Welch has a message for young women today, and it’s not what you might expect. In a piece on CNN Opinion called, “It’s sex o’clock in America,” Welch comments on the effects the Pill has had: These days, nobody seems able to “keep it in their pants” or honor … Read more

It salami time!

Maybe it’s the lingering effects of unaccustomed sun beating down on my fish-white neck all day yesterday as I tried to rototill a garden with my bare hands, as the bug-eyed little boy from next door snuck up behind me every time I hit my stride and shrieked, “KIN I TELL YOU SUMPIN’!!!!!!!” in my ear (what he wanted to … Read more

Lousy Medicine

I’m no great cheerleader for NFP, but I have a growing respect for its medical usefulness.  Here’s a story from NPR about primary ovarian insufficiency, a condition which causes infertility and a host of other medical problems.  One doctor says he “got a wake-call” about 10 years ago when 23-year-old twin sisters with POI came to an … Read more

Con Espressivo

I can think of few 20th century classical performers as well-documented (or as deserving of documentation) as the mad Canadian keyboard genius, Glenn Gould. This YouTube clip from his earlier days demonstrates much of what made him fascinating to countless classical music lovers: the incessant humming punctuated by occasional bellowing, the absurd posture, the uncanny ability to stop-and-start at … Read more

In a move that’s depressing both for its cultural implications and for the naked desperation for relevance that it betrays, Archie Comics will be introducing its first “openly gay character” in September.  According to the comic’s website, VERONICA #202 features the full-issue story, “Isn’t it Bromantic?” that introduces Kevin, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character. … Read more

In a move that’s depressing both for its cultural implications and for the naked desperation for relevance that it betrays, Archie Comics will be introducing its first “openly gay character” in September.  According to the comic’s website, VERONICA #202 features the full-issue story, “Isn’t it Bromantic?” that introduces Kevin, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character. … Read more

“Isn’t It Bromantic?”

In a move that’s depressing both for its cultural implications and for the naked desperation for relevance that it betrays, Archie Comics will be introducing its first “openly gay character” in September.  According to the comic’s website, VERONICA #202 features the full-issue story, “Isn’t it Bromantic?” that introduces Kevin, Archie Comics’ first openly gay character. … Read more

Hollywood Becomes Less Plastic; Remains Creepy

Speaking of beauty and botox, here’s an encouraging story from the NYT about how Hollywood is getting a little tired of plastic ladies with nylon hair. “I think everyone either looks like a drag queen or a stripper,” said Marcia Shulman, who oversees casting for Fox’s scripted shows. Some of this difference may have to … Read more

Big Families Are Boring

Apparently there’s a TV new show about a big family.  The Slate reviewer wasn’t thrilled:  [T]hey have everything you have, only bigger, better, and cooler. If you shelled out for one hipster pageboy cap, Bob has two, in wool and velour, plus a straw fedora and a ski cap he wears indoors. If your wife is … Read more

Thank a Scientist

It’s refreshing to remember, from time to time, how grateful I am to live in this day and age.   Even while biotech labs routinely turn out fresh horrors, the very DNA of our food is casually tortured into an unrecognizable state, and Nancy Pelosi keeps several female Senate pages in a state of suspended animation in her basement, hooked up to … Read more

I’m oddly relieved . . .

to find that, when otters paint, they paint like otters: Kind of reminds me of homeschool.  Everything reminds me of homeschool.

Oh my, matzo brei!

I haven’t taken a poll, but I think I’m the only blogger on this team who bought too many eggs for Easter and too much matzo for Passover.  This sounds like a job for . . . matzo brei!  This is a lovely, easy recipe for a tasty little dish suitable for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack, dessert, or … Read more

Why I quit the census

You may have heard that the unwieldy behemoth known as the U.S. Census has been running into some logistical problems lately.  Their numbers are  That would be my fault.  Despite the fact that I have to think hard to figure out which way to go at the end of my driveway  (and I mean when … Read more

Eye hath not seen…

…a sleeping fly covered in dew. “In Sleep we lie all naked and alone, in Sleep we are united at the heart of night and darkness, and we are strange and beautiful asleep; for we are dying the darkness and we know no death.”                                                                — Thomas Wolfe   I don’t actually know what he means … Read more

Ave Atque Vale, Ford Van

 For the last five years, you showed heroic virtue, schlepping around eight kids, a million bags of groceries,  half a million bags of garbage, and the occasional panicked cat.  You accepted numerous unnamable spills onto your rubber mats without complaint, and didn’t even whimper when thrown up upon.  For years at a time, you stored bags marked … Read more

Ave atque Vale, Van

Along with Thirty-two Short Films About Glenn Gould, which I only put into our Netflix queue to see if my husband really loved me, The African Queen has been languishing in the “saved” category for over a year, waiting until the movie should be released on DVD.   We finally got to see it last week, … Read more

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