I couldn’t resist borrowing a meme from Matthew Archbold at Creative Minority Report: Songs that make men cry.
Apparently, the UK Sun is reporting that the song most likely to make a grown man cry is… “Everybody Hurts” by REM. Archbold has some, er, choice words upon hearing that revelation: “Men are officially complete wusses.”
Look I understand that the visage of increasingly skeletal Michael Stipes would frighten many people but I don’t know if there’s anything Michael Stipes could do to make me cry. I’d imagine it would have to involve rubber hammers, a monkey wrench, tasers, and rope though.
Orthodox. Faithful. Free.
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Some of the other songs included Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” and U2’s “With or Without You.”
What? Did they forget the soothing but melancholic tones of Air Supply?
Looking at the rest of this list, I can confirm that — in the words of a friend who also reviewed it — “It’s no wonder they lost their empire.” I mean, I have a soft spot for “Everybody Hurts,” but that’s because I was a tweenage girl when it came out, and therefore was allowed to be melodramatic about it. Also, I have been known to cry at commercials. Grown men have no such excuse.
It’s too fun a game to pass up, though, so let’s do it: What songs make you cry? Off the top of my head, I can mostly only think of various hymns (“O God Beyond All Praising” has me choked up before the first verse kicks in), spirituals (anything sung by Mahalia Jackson), and patriotic laments (Ireland and Scotland are particularly good at these). Also, traditional folk or mountain songs where a parent loses a child, a child loses a parent, a lover loses a beloved, or someone goes to war.
Not a lot of pop songs are springing to mind, though. Readers, what am I forgetting? Fess up, guys: If your tear ducts hadn’t been surgically removed like Archbold’s, what songs would make you cry?