It’s refreshing to remember, from time to time, how grateful I am to live in this day and age.
Even while biotech labs routinely turn out fresh horrors, the very DNA of our food is casually tortured into an unrecognizable state, and Nancy Pelosi keeps several female Senate pages in a state of suspended animation in her basement, hooked up to unspeakable devices which drain them of their human growth hormone, which her staff then harvests before breakfast each morning and sprinkles on her Weetabix to help her maintain her sunny and girlish mien — still, I’m glad to be alive today.
You know why? Magic Eraser. Febreze. Maxi pads with wings. These are the things that make life worth living, and we have them all thanks to modern technology. It’s easy to villify scientists for their appalling race to the bottom of the ethical world. But it’s those same scientists who dedicate their lives to turning out products which make our lives a little easier, a little brighter, a little less pit-of-despairish.
Take paper towels, for instance. Go ahead and tear off a square, and take it for granted like you always do. But once in a while, while you’re mopping up a pool of what you can only hope is not nearly as organic as it looks, stop for a moment, consider the paper towel, and thank a scientist.
WARNING: The following video has a few swear words in it. I apologize to any readers who clicked on it before I put this warning up – sorry, I forgot! If swear words offend you or seem un-Catholic, please just skip the video.