You may have seen the cute story in the news today about the three-year-old who walked to the fire station to get help when her dad collapsed at home, saving her father’s life. Over at the Agitator, Radley Balko links to another article that, while a year old now, raises an evergreen question about teaching our children to think and act for themselves (as this little girl did) in a world that increasingly tells us it’s not safe to let them out the front door unaccompanied.
First, the back-story: In 2008, journalist Lenore Skenazy earned herself the title “America’s Worst Mom” when she wrote a column about letting her nine-year-old son ride the subway in New York City by himself. Izzy had begged his mom to let him find his own way home on public transportation; so after she discussed it with her husband, they armed him with a subway map, fare card, and emergency money and let him go. He returned home in one piece, immensely proud of his accomplishment.
For Skenazy, however, it was the beginning of a barrage of comments in the media accusing her of being a reckless mother not fit to parent a gerbil. Didn’t she know what could happen to her son?
Orthodox. Faithful. Free.
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Yes, she says — but she would also do it again, because she thinks that parents have become obsessed with the scary “what ifs” in life, rushing to protect their children from every possible harm and keeping them from learning independence:
What has changed in the English-speaking world that has made childhood independence taboo? The ground has not gradually gotten harder under the jungle gym. The bus stops have not crept farther from home. Crime is actually lower than it was when most of us were growing up. So there is no reality-based reason that children today should be treated as more helpless and vulnerable than we were when we were young. . . .
Mostly, the world is safe. Mostly, people are good. To emphasize the opposite is to live in the world of tabloid TV. A world filled with worst-case scenarios, not the world we actually live in, which is factually, statistically, and, luckily for us, one of the safest periods for children in the history of the world. . . .
Adults once knew what we have forgotten today. Kids are competent. Kids are capable. Kids deserve freedom, responsibility, and a chance to be part of the world.
I’m not a parent, but even interacting with my nieces and nephews, I can definitely spot the “helicopter mom” impulse in me. Maybe that changes as you have more kids and learn to relax a bit — to recognize that, no, the world isn’t out to get your precious babies. (Conversely, I wonder if parents are more anxious today because they have fewer kids to teach them that lesson?) Every child is different, and no one knows better (hopefully) than his parents what he is and isn’t capable of; maybe we should trust that knowledge a little more, and listen to the parenting experts a little less.
Still, I’m not sure I’d go so far as the unaccompanied subway ride. Heck, I’m not sure I should be allowed to ride the NYC subway alone. Then again, I didn’t grow up riding it, as Izzy has. Maybe he has some tricks he could teach me.
What do parents think? Is Skenazy onto something? Or is she really, truly, America’s Worst Mom? And check out her blog, Free Range Kids, for more.
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