Your Handy Guide to Celebrity Pundits

So Sheryl Crow tells reporters at the American Music Awards that “huge karmic retributions” will follow a war in Iraq, and the heads of a million viewers bob at her sagacity. No one so much as blinks when she later adds what will surely become an enduring dictum: “The best way to solve problems is not to have enemies.”

Cars in the “blue” states proudly sport “Jed Bartlett Is My President” bumper stickers; left-leaning West Wing fans apparently prefer the wit and sparkle of their alternative-universe leader to Dubya’s stumbling stolidity.

Woody Harrelson takes a break from practicing hemp rope knots to tell breathless British journalists how he deplores American “imperialism” and “lies,” adding for good measure that were he president, he’d end nuclear power and make up for the energy shortfall by burning wheat straw. It makes the news pages of respectable papers.

What is going on here? Are we, as Homer Simpson once wondered, “living in a cuckoo clock”?

There have long been celebrity pundits, of course. Even before the mass media created the potential for global insta-fame, there were war heroes, wealthy eccentrics—and, yes, entertainers—parlaying their notoriety into public-eye credibility about matters outside their expertise. Having achieved success in business or on a battlefield, one can suppose it no great leap to branch out to other fields (even if history teaches us that it rarely works out as planned: Witness Grant’s presidency, Ross Perot’s failed bids for it, or Michael Jordan’s baseball career).

For sure, we’ve watched as entertainment celebrities took their self-important do-goodery to ridiculous, even treasonous levels. Jane Fonda—in many respects the spiritual grandmother of today’s breed of celebrity pundit—first canoodled with the Viet Cong more than 30 years ago. It’s been more than 50 since the biggest stars in Tinseltown stood up for Alger Hiss and the Hollywood Ten. The birth-control and abortion movements of the 1960s and 1970s benefited from generous celebrity endorsement. Yet even the casual observer would remark that the ranks of celebrity pundits seem to have swelled—and grown louder—in recent years.

The Internet may be partly to thank (or blame). Twenty-four-hour-a-day weblogs allow anyone with a computer to cyber-bloviate with impunity, and personal Web sites let singers and supermodels lecture their fans on issues of global import.

The buildup to war in Iraq was also a major catalyst. “War is always going to be a thing that brings them out of the woodwork,” says Barbara Nicolosi, executive director of Hollywood-based Act One: Writing for Hollywood, which develops Christian screenwriters. Of course, the U.S. military got plenty of exercise during the Clinton years with almost nary a peep (unless it was of support) from today’s usual suspects. The difference? “Clinton was their guy,” Nicolosi says. “They didn’t have to protest—they had the Oval Office.”

But Nicolosi believes the roots of celebrity political activism run deeper, that it is, in fact, an understandable (if not really laudable) by-product of America’s celebrity-worshiping culture. “We give celebrities the kind of adulation that is really due only to God,” she says. “We want their lives; we give them our happiness; we say to them, ‘You’re different than we are—you’re special.”

Nicolosi says this kind of adulation—and the recognition that it is really undeserved and unmerited—is a burden celebrities must all learn to deal with. Some turn to drugs, some “drown themselves” in materialism. Others, though, forget that they don’t really deserve the adulation and the special forum it provides them with; they forget they’re merely actors and not global saviors, advocates, or experts. “After a while,” Nicolosi says, “when they’re sticking ten microphones in your face, you think they must be interested in anything you have to say.”

And what they have to say is almost always tilted to the far left of the political scales. Apologists for celebrity pundits like to point out conservative (or at least nominally GOP-supporting) celebs like Charlton Heston, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis. But in truth the overwhelming majority of entertainment stars are Democrats, their ideologies a veritable liberal checklist on issues like abortion, homosexuality, the environment, animal rights, and, of course, artistic freedom.

Indeed, Nicolosi thinks a corrupted idea of artistic freedom is the underlying principle of liberal Hollywood politics. To celebrities, “Republicans are the rules people—the kind of people who would put them in concentration camps for expressing themselves.” Artistic freedom to them is a state in which there is a complete absence of fetters, where the artist has carte blanche for self-expression, regardless of the content of that expression.

In this Nicolosi thinks they’re only half-right. Freedom is essential to the artist, she agrees, but “freedom from sin.” The Catholic artistic ideal is about the freedom to encapsulate and signify some element of God’s truth and God’s beauty. When corrupted, this ideal of freedom gives way to mere license—signifying only its own emptiness. In Hollywood political culture, this translates into a deep suspicion of conservative morality, particularly in the sexual sphere. This year’s Oscars, for example, saw Roman Polanski receive a standing ovation after he was announced as the winner of the Best Director award—plainly, as much for his victim status as a sexually deviant fugitive (in 1977 he seduced, with drugs and alcohol, a 13-year-old girl) as for his work directing The Pianist. Hollywood circles the wagons tight around its people, even the most vicious and despicable.

In addition to general advocacy of liberal positions, celebrity pundits will usually have their own pet cause or causes. Whoopi Goldberg and Cybill Shepherd, to name two, are reliable (if sagging) faces at NOW dinners and NARAL rallies. U2 headman Bono crusades for the environment, Amnesty International, and Third-World debt relief. Many celebs lend support—ranging from passionate to nominal—to AIDS research. And dozens more have only recently entered the fray, for the first time, to protest the war in Iraq. But there appear to be a number of common threads running through them in every case, almost without exception. The first, and perhaps most important, is unwavering support for the sexual trifecta of abortion, contraception, and homosexuality.

To favor contraception, of course, is hardly a position reserved to radicals of the Left Coast. Still, nearly all celebrity pundits go on record at some point in favor of U.S. and international efforts to spread globally the developed world’s suicidal obsession with “family planning.” In a tribute concert during the middle of Clinton’s first term, Barbra Streisand praised above all else that president’s renewed support for Third-World contraception programs, which had been cut or neglected during the Reagan/Bush years. Bono’s band U2 sold “Achtung Baby” condoms alongside T-shirts during a 1992 concert tour.

Lori Bardsley, a stay-at-home mom who late last year began an Internet petition against celebrity pundits (www.ipetitions.com/campaigns/hollywoodceleb/) that has since gained considerable media—and celebrity—notice, thinks abortion is nothing less than their single galvanizing issue. Herself a “former pro-abortion feminist,” Bardsley says that “all issues boil down to the ‘pro-choice’ issue” for liberal celebrities. And she may be right: It certainly does seem to align with the Hollywood Left’s other cherished ideals of radical sexual and artistic autonomy. And certainly abortion has become the Democratic Party’s shibboleth and sacred cow.

(One of the few exceptions to the pro-abortion monolith seems to be Martin Sheen, who claims that his quietly stated pro-life views stem from his Catholicism. However, despite his many arrests for civil disobedience, he has yet to be found protesting at an abortion clinic, much less being led away from one in handcuffs. And he’s on record supporting homosexuality, despite the teachings of his Church.)

Nicolosi believes that homosexuality, even more than abortion, is the one issue over which liberal Hollywood will brook no heterodoxy. “Abortion is pretty tight,” she admits, “but you could definitely get blacklisted over the gay rights issue if you come down on the wrong side.” A point Hollywood jokingly admits to itself: At the 1999 Academy Awards, host Billy Crystal quipped that “Dr. Laura” Schlessinger, conservative radio psychologist and favorite target of homosexual activists, wasn’t in attendance because she couldn’t find anyone willing to do her hair or nails.

Virtually all species of celebrity pundit have another thing in common: They tend to channel all their blather into an irrational animus toward George W. Bush. Mention him, and they forget they’re supposed to be the soothing voices of peace and reason. They stoop to schoolyard epithets. They emote till their eyes bubble. Clearly, they hate him. Oil man, Evangelical Christian, privileged old-money Yankee and rough-edged Texas buckaroo. Unlike some presidents, he’d rather be in bed by ten than work the crowd at Spago’s. Doesn’t play the sax. Probably wears boxers.

Yes, on top of being an environment-raping, woman-hating, electric-chair-switch–throwing Bible thumper, Dubya is a dud. He hasn’t a shred of Clinton’s roguish charm—with the lip-biting, the Oscar-caliber feigned empathy, the eyes twinkling and puffy, suggestive of a late evening’s carousing. Clinton left behind a legacy of scandals, each juicier than the next. Bush chokes on pretzels. One can’t help but think that, his policies aside, Bush would have escaped some of the vitriol if only he hadn’t committed the cardinal Hollywood sin of being boring.

Clinton avoided this sin, in part by indulging in others. He said the right words about the right issues. He acted like a fan, turning the White House into a veritable crossroads for the Beautiful People. And Hollywood’s political posse excused his personal failings and shady business connections. Even as “Teflon Bill” turned into “Velcro Bill”—everything stuck to him—they stood by their man. They did so even when he acted like a warmongering Republican; during his own military exploits, Clinton received a comparatively free pass. Sheryl Crow, who despite her creepy warnings was unable to steer the nation’s course away from war in Iraq, not only backed U.S. military action in the Balkans but actually went to Bosnia to perform for the boys in 1996. Yet somehow, six years later, she came to the conclusion that “war is based in [sic] greed.” B-list comedienne Janeane Garofalo, when asked why her fellow celebrities didn’t cry “Not in our name!” when Clinton scrambled the bombers, replied simply, “It wasn’t very hip.”

To be sure, hypocrisy festers in politics like a low-grade infection. It’s easy to swallow principles and rationalize failings when your man is essentially right on the important things (see abortion, above). Conservatives do it, too. But celebrity pundits tend to express themselves with so much volume and so little restraint, expressing their own high-minded moralism so assuredly, that they leave themselves specially vulnerable to the charge of “Where were you when…?”

As of this writing, a backlash against celebrity pundits is full swing. Partly from the pain of old September 11 wounds, partly out of love for our troops on the battlefield, partly out of lingering distaste for the know-it-all-ism of entertainment elitists, there seems to be what could fairly be called a groundswell against them. Bardsley’s petition has gained more than 110,000 names in three months (with commentary that is sometimes quite fruity), and a dozen other similar Web sites help Net-surfers to keep up to date on the latest celebrity buffoonery. Major newspapers and broadcast media outlets have been reporting—sometimes even sympathetically—on the phenomenon.

The celebrities seem to sense this and are on the defensive. Streisand uses as much space on her Web site defending her right (or privilege, really) to inflict her ideas on the world as she does explaining those ideas. An exasperated Sheen defended himself and his ilk in a Los Angeles Times editorial, claiming that “Whether celebrity or diplomat, cab-driver or student, all deserve a turn at the podium.” (It doesn’t occur to him that most students and cabbies don’t get to play President Pretend in front of millions every week.) Garofalo, who has been carrying the celebrity pundit mantle on talk shows of late, even contacted Bardsley and offered to “build a bridge.” But Bardsley didn’t bite.

The backlash is starting to hurt the bottom line for some celebs. Sean Penn claims he lost acting jobs because of his antiwar statements and visit to Iraq. Sheen’s Visa commercial was yanked after the bean counters decided he’d cried “No blood for oil!” one time too many for the public’s taste. Pop-country sensations the Dixie Chicks gaffed themselves off of hundreds of southern radio stations, and out of thousands of homes, when lead singer Natalie Maines told a cheering London crowd, “Just so you know, we’re ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas.”

Of course, the question naturally follows: Is there a “backlash to the backlash” in the future? Will a wave of sympathy for beleaguered celebrity pundits eventually reinstate them, in the public eye, to their former status as universal authorities?

I suppose it all hinges on President Bartlett’s reelection. Now that’s karmic retribution.

 

SIX CELEBRITY PUNDITS

BALDWIN, ALEC. Occupation: Actor

Career Highlights: A younger, more cerebral Jack Ryan in The Hunt for Red October; tender voice-over for The Royal Tenenbaums

Areas of Activism: Animal and environmental rights, abortion, gun control, feigning gravitas*

Notes: He was a political science major in college (he didn’t graduate), but he has long since discovered it’s much easier to be famous and loud than educated. A favorite Hollywood cohort of People for the American Way, Baldwin has been a reliable advocate of most every item on the liberal left agenda. He distinguished himself among his fellow celebrity blowhards (no mean feat) by promising to leave the country if Bush was elected in 2000, only to claim he hadn’t made that exact promise. He compared the 2000 presidential election to the events of September 11: The latter damaged the “pillars of commerce,” the former, “the pillars of democracy.” On Late Night with Conan O’Brien, he gleefully suggested stoning Henry Hyde for his role in the Clinton impeachment, then killing the “wives and children” of Hyde and other congressional Republicans.

PENN, SEAN. Occupation: Actor

Career Highlights: Death-row inmate in Dead Man Walking; anthropic jazz guitar prodigy in Sweet and Lowdown

Areas of Activism: World peace, global economic justice, general lefty mischief

Notes: He reinvented himself as a “serious” artist after early flops, struggles with alcohol and anger management, and marriage to Madonna. He declared he’d like to “trade [Bill O’Reilly for bin Laden.” He lectured George W. Bush on (among other things) international law and the capabilities of Iraq’s missile arsenal in an open letter to the president. He admitted he found sometimes violent global trade protests “exciting.” He visited Iraq in December 2002 as a self-appointed ambassador of peace, then, sadly, returned.

SARANDON, SUSAN, AND ROBBINS, TIM Occupations: Actors

Career Highlights: Sarandon as a stranded newlywed in cult classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show; Robbins as an unjustly imprisoned accountant in The Shawshank Redemption

Areas of Activism: Peace, feminism, environmentalism, animal rights, abolishment of the death penalty, refugee rights, fighting evil Republicans everywhere

Notes: This conspicuously unmarried activist power couple with two children, whom Sarandon’s conservative 79-year-old mother worries are being “brainwashed” into radical liberalism, spearheaded the “Win Without War” celebrity petition. They were also rumored to have threatened/promised to leave the country rather than live under a Bush presidency. They have boasted of their low-consumption lifestyle, claiming that they’d “maintained a fairly low standard of living in terms of cars, houses, and planes” and thus didn’t “have to make a huge amount of money.” No great allies of the Democratic Party, they supported Nader vocally in 2000. They are perhaps Hollywood’s most insufferably moralistic duo.

SHEEN, MARTIN. Occupation: Actor

Career Highlights: Terminating with extreme prejudice as Captain Williard in Apocalypse Now, President Jed Bartlett on The West Wing

Areas of Activism: Nuclear disarmament, abolishment of the death penalty, gun control, various social justice themes, liberation theology

Notes: He’s not the president, but he plays one on TV. Born Ramon Estevez, he adopted the name Martin Sheen out of admiration for Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He says his political activism is motivated by his Catholic Faith. He called Janet Reno “one of my heroes” and George W. Bush “a moron.” He seems sincere—if sincerely misguided—in his religious and political beliefs. He has been arrested for protesting on behalf of migrant workers and in several anti-military demonstrations. He decried critics of celebrity pundits in a Los Angeles Times editorial, in which he wrote, “Whether celebrity or diplomat, cabdriver or student, all deserve a turn at the podium.”

STREISAND, BARBRA. Occupation: Singer/Actress

Career Highlights: Funny Girl, “People,” and Yentl

Areas of Activism: Abortion, environmentalism, gay rights, artistic freedom, full-time Bush-bashing

Notes: The undisputed queen of the liberal celebrity pundit hive, Streisand has a Web site that features regular political updates, usually beginning with “My thoughts on….” She likes to fax strategy memos to congressional Democrats. She spent days talking up a hackneyed, ersatz “Shakespeare” passage to indict President Bush for allegedly misusing the resurgence of patriotism after September 11, before realizing it was a hoax. She referred to Saddam Hussein as the “Iranian dictator” in one of her Web site’s “Truth Alerts.” She has opined that the plane crash resulting in the death of Minnesota Senator Paul Wellstone was “no accident.” She warned that a GOP-controlled Congress “would be devastating for reproductive choice, the environment, civil liberties, Social Security and health care, as well as corporate accountability,” adding that “Republicans are about protecting the corporations while Democrats are about protecting people.” The legendarily egotistical ham declared while performing at a political fundraiser, “I don’t particularly enjoy performing on stage, but I’d do practically anything to help the Democrats win the House.”

MOORE, MICHAEL. Occupation: Documentary filmmaker

Career Highlights: Real-time rabbit-skinning in Roger & Me, bravely exposing a straw man of American gun culture in Bowling for Columbine

Notes: Not your traditional celebrity pundit, the oafish, slightly nerdy Moore is more of a pesky journalist than an entertainer. He harangued a bewildered, ailing Charlton Heston in Oscar-winning Bowling for Columbine and spent a month prearranging a gun purchase to make it look “easy” on film. Despite (or perhaps by virtue of) his penchant for bending the truth, he refers to George W. Bush as a “fictitious” president. He said the September 11 hijackings wouldn’t have occurred if the passengers hadn’t been “scaredy-cats” who were “mostly white.” And he provoked a shower of boos at the Academy Awards for wagging his finger at the camera and shouting, “Shame on you, Mr. Bush!”

Author

  • Todd M. Aglialoro

    Todd M. Aglialoro is the acquisitions editor for Catholic Answers.

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