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  • The Politics of Porn

    by Robert R. Reilly

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    In many major American cities, the tawdry sections of town that once housed pornographic cinemas, bookstores, and strip joints have given way to shiny new office buildings and Starbucks coffee houses. Does this sign of urban renewal also signify moral renewal? Has America finally grown bored with a surfeit of pornography? Unfortunately not. Pornography has simply relocated from inner city slums to a far worse location — the home, which it now infiltrates via the latest technology. There are now hundreds of thousands of pornographic websites on the Internet, offering millions of hardcore pornographic images, some of them “interactive.” Pornography is now mainstream. How did this happen?

    One answer has been given by Milos Forman, director of The People vs. Larry Flynt, the movie about the Hustler magazine publisher. In defense of his film’s subject matter, Forman said that, while we may not like pornography, its existence is essential to our freedom. He drew upon his personal experiences under Nazi and Communist regimes to illustrate the importance of the First Amendment. If we allow the suppression of one form of speech deemed undesirable by some, Forman holds, then we cannot prevent the suppression of any form of speech. Deny one choice, and you deny them all. It is all or nothing. Democracy must yield to pornocracy — because, it seems, democracy is about the unfettered freedom to choose whatever one wants.

    Today, such a view hardly appears extreme. After all, the Supreme Court opined in the 1992 Planned Parenthood vs. Casey ruling that, “At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life.” Applying this liberating philosophy to pornography, New Jersey Federal Judge Alfred Wolin found in favor of two pedophiles who challenged a law banning pornography in the state’s Avenel correctional facility for repeat sex offenders. And the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco overturned as unconstitutional an Arizona county’s ban on depictions of frontal nudity in the jail cells of county prisons.
    If the philosophy behind the Casey decision is correct, Forman’s position is the right one. If we can make it all up as we go along, then there are no moral standards to distinguish between pornography and other forms of speech, only personal taste. The broad embrace of this view has opened the floodgates to hardcore pornography. The problem with this inundation is that it threatens the very democracy that allows it.
    The reason is that the key to democracy is not free choice. As we know from the Weimar Republic, people can freely choose anything, even Hitler. The key, as our Founding Fathers knew, is virtue. Only a virtuous person is capable of rational consent because only a virtuous person’s reason is unclouded by the habitual rationalizations of vice. Vice inevitably infects the faculty of judgment. No matter how democratic their institutions, morally enervated people cannot be free. And people who are enslaved to their passions inevitably become slaves to tyrants. Thus, our Founders predicated the success of democracy in America upon the virtue of the American people.
    In light of this, it is positively Orwellian to suggest, as Forman does, that America is free because it produces hardcore pornography. The authors of the First Amendment would claim the opposite — that acceptance of pornography tends to destroy our capacity for freedom in both a personal and a political way, and therefore should be proscribed.
    The Founders forbade pornography not only because it subverts virtue, but because it attacks the political foundations of society. Though largely consumed in private, pornography becomes a political problem when it is widespread because it undermines chastity. Chastity is not only a moral virtue; it is also indispensable to political order. Chastity is integral to the functioning of the irreducible core of a polity. Aristotle begins The Politics not with a single individual, but with a description of a man and a woman together in the family, without which the rest of society cannot exist. A healthy family is posited upon the proper and exclusive sexual relationship between a husband and wife. The family alone is capable of providing the necessary stability for the profound relationship which sexual union both symbolizes and cements and for the welfare of the children that issue from it. Violations of chastity undermine not only the family, but society as a whole. That is why chastity may be spoken of as the first political principle.
    Nothing so undermines the marital sexual bond as does pornography. As Fr. James Schall once wrote in Crisis, “Whenever we seek pleasure without it being grounded in what is right in the action in which it exists, we isolate the pleasure, the act, from reality.” Pornography isolates the physical act of sex, and its pleasure, from reality by making it an object of observation. Pornography reduces the marital act to a glandular event; it is impossible to “see” it as an act of love, except as a loving participant. Sex, as John Wayne once put it, is not a spectator sport.
    Making sex a spectacle sensationalizes it and severs it from its proper unitive and procreative context. Pornography makes the part into the whole and the means into the end. By doing so, it lies about what it leaves exposed: The very nature of the genitals is denied. They are sterile. Pornography censors conception, because the possibility of conception naturally orders sex to a purpose within the family. (If sex is seen as generative, depictions of it are almost never pornographic. This is why the fertility figures of African tribal art, with their vastly exaggerated pudenda and breasts, are neither in intent nor effect obscene.) The violation of the fundamental human relationship between husband and wife wreaks havoc on the whole social and political order. If chastity is indispensable to political order, then the politics of pornography is clearly chaos, and the tyranny to which chaos leads.
    The ancients understood this clearly. Euripides and the Classical Greeks, from whom our Founders learned, knew that Eros is not a plaything. In The Bacchae, Euripides showed exactly how unsafe sex is when disconnected from the moral order. When Dionysus visits Thebes, he entices King Penthius to view secretly the women dancing naked on the mountainside in Dionysian revelries. Because Penthius succumbs to his desire to see “their wild obscenities,” the political order is toppled, and the queen mother, Agave, one of the bacchants, ends up with the severed head of her son Penthius in her lap — an eerie premonition of abortion.
    The lesson is clear: Once Eros is released from the bonds of family, Dionysian passions can possess the soul. Giving in to them is a form of madness because erotic desire is not directed toward any end that can satisfy it. It is insatiable. The sheer quantity of pornography easily illustrates this point. Why is there so much of it? Since pornography is only about one thing, its expressive possibilities are limited — often to the purely documentary. Then would not a classic collection of a thousand pornographic films suffice? Apparently not, for there are hundreds of thousands of pornographic films. In addition, there are millions of pornographic images on the Internet and countless monthly pornographic magazines. Yet, no matter how much there is, it is never enough. “Never enough” is an appetitive disorder and a recipe for political disaster. Because it promises something it cannot deliver, pornography eventually produces a sense of betrayal. The futility inherent in pornography generates fury that leads to violence and despair that leads to self-destruction.
    Pornography has been deliberately used as a social and political dissolvent during periods of revolutionary change. To prepare for the French Revolution, the radical Jacobins flooded Paris with pornography. Who would know the politics of pornography better than that greatest of pornographers, the Marquis de Sade? De Sade desired to indulge his sexual passions without moral restraint and saw clearly what that ultimately meant. In The Philosophy of the Boudoir, de Sade wrote that the murder of King Louis XVI was insufficient to bring about the desired revolutionary freedom. The morality of the social and political order had survived the King’s beheading. How could it finally be destroyed? In the first known use of the phrase, de Sade wrote that the murder of the King must be followed by the “murder of God.” Only when the morality represented by Divine Kingship was abolished could man express himself in the fullness of pornographic existence. This would include, after regicide and deicide, homicide. De Sade perceived and approvingly depicted in his works the inexorable logic of pornography: sex outside of the moral order ultimately leads to murder and death. The Marquis would not be surprised by the FBI study on homicide that found that pornography is the most common interest among serial killers. As one convicted murderer and child molester told the Meese Commission: “[Pornography's] effect on me was devastating. I lost all sense of decency and respect for human life.”
    Today, people are unlikely to learn these lessons from Euripides because he is not included in the current curricula. But the same message has subliminally resurfaced in modern horror movies. Their invariable, if often unintentional, teaching is: If you fornicate, you die. This is crudely expressed in such popular slasher movies as Friday the 13th, in which teenage premarital sex precipitates the arrival of the monster, who dispatches the fornicators with stakes through their hearts or axes to their heads. However, a more sophisticated treatment of this theme is offered by Aliens 3, the third in a popular quartet of monster movies.
    In this sci-fi horror film, the hardest core male criminals are sequestered on an uninhabitable planet, where they are left to fend for themselves. Given the need to establish political order, the prisoners choose the vow of chastity as their founding principle. As a result, they are able to live in semi-monastic contentment. However, a female pilot, Ripley, is sent to them. She violates the vow by having intercourse with the prisoners’ doctor. For this, of course, the doctor must die at the monster’s hands. Ripley tries to fight the creature, but fails. The iron law of horror movies is that only a virgin can defeat a monster. In fact, we discover that the monster’s spawn was actually implanted in Ripley during space travel. The symbolism is perfect: The real monster is Eros, unbound by the moral order, residing in our very selves when we capitulate to it. Needless to say, Ripley’s betrayal of the colony’s founding principle brings havoc upon them all. She is able to redeem herself only in an ultimate act of self-sacrifice, by throwing herself into a cauldron of molten metal as the monster bursts out of her chest. She takes the plunge with arms outstretched in cruciform shape. Once again, Eros unbound leads to self-destruction — albeit, in this case, with a hint of the salvific.
    The only thing that can tame Eros and direct it to an end that can satisfy the sexual passion is love, which leads Eros away from death and, quite literally, toward new life. When a specific person is the object of love, no substitute will do. Love demands exclusivity, and receives it in marriage. The desire for oneness in marital union is also a thirst for fecundity. The wild and complete abandon of the marital act is a joyful affirmation of the possibility of more — in children.
    Pornography is fraudulent because it depicts “love” without love. Since the other person is not loved, pornography requires depersonalization and anonymity. With pornographic sex, substitution is not only acceptable, it is essential. As theologian Josef Pieper said, pornography removes the fig leaf from the genitals and places it over the human face. Pornography strips its participants of more than their clothes; it strips them of their humanity.
    The central act of civilization is the recognition of another person as a human being. Pornography suspends — if not ends — that act of recognition because it dehumanizes both its object and its subject. Solzhenitsyn once asked, “If we are to be deprived of the concepts of good and evil, what will be left? Nothing but the manipulation of one another. We will decline to the status of animals.” Solzhenitsyn’s quote highlights the political problems of pornography. How does one govern animals? Do they have free speech?
    The alternative to the massive presence of pornography is not, as Mr. Forman might suggest, the loss of freedom, but its maintenance. Censorship of pornography is a sign of a morally healthy society that can distinguish between obscenity and free speech. From the time of our Founders until not too long ago, America was a place that not only forbade hardcore pornography but, through its laws and social mores, actively encouraged lives of virtue. These formative influences made it clear that sex belongs within the context of the family. This teaching was not the result of prudery, but of a political and moral prudence that comprehended the basis of a free society.
    Lack of censorship is a sign of a society that no longer cares about these distinctions or has lost its ability to make them. That is why the legal presence of pornography harms even those who do not use it. On almost any newsstand (or its cable TV equivalent), one can see Playboy and Good Housekeeping side by side. What does any sensible person learn from seeing this odd juxtaposition? Certainly the way of life espoused by Playboy is inimical to good housekeeping. Yet there they are together, take your pick. In other words, the person learns, if only by osmosis, that it is a matter of public indifference as to whether one properly uses or abuses sex. More accurately, legal commerce in pornography teaches that no such distinction exists. Once this teaching has been learned, where does one draw the line? If sex is only a form of play or recreation, what could be wrong with a little sodomy, pederasty, or even incest? We have already traveled so far down this road that the only public defense mounted against pornography today begins with the protection of children. All the proceeding arguments have already been lost.
    In such a case, trying to restore censorship in the short term is politically difficult and probably ineffective. It did not work for Augustus Caesar, who brought back the office of censor yet failed to halt the steady decline of Roman society. What must come first is far more important: the recovery of the sensibility underlying the prohibition against the desecration of sex. That it must be recovered is not simply the agenda of the religious right, but a profoundly political concern for the future of freedom. That freedom is already imperiled by the effects of pornography. Sex is so important that its misuse has become the principal means for dismantling our culture and political order. We have blinded ourselves to the connection between widespread pornography and the dissolution of the American family, rampant sexual crime, the extraordinary rise in illegitimate births, abortion, and the brutal coarsening of our culture. Yet pornography has so corrupted our society that no one dares mention it as a principal cause of our debasement. Livy spoke of this kind of paralysis when he bemoaned the decline of ancient Rome: “We reached those last days when we could endure neither our vices nor their remedies.” Will we lament with Euripides’s Agave? “Dionysus has undone us. Too late I see it.”
     

    This article originally appeared in the December 1998 issue of Crisis Magazine.

    The views expressed by the authors and editorial staff are not necessarily the views of
    Sophia Institute, Holy Spirit College, or the Thomas More College of Liberal Arts.

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    • Joe H

      Wonderfully written, and I agree with almost every point made, especially this:

      “No matter how democratic their institutions, morally enervated people cannot be free. And people who are enslaved to their passions inevitably become slaves to tyrants.”

      However, I do wonder about what follows:

      “Thus, our Founders predicated the success of democracy in America upon the virtue of the American people.”

      Did they? I always thought Federalist 10 told a different story.

    • Peter Freeman

      I feel compelled to comment on the reading of Alien3 in this case. The aliens have a mode of reproduction that is only ever reproductive, never expressive or unitive, and therefore dehumanizing. If pornography reduces sex to pleasure, the aliens reduce sex to reproduction…and it is always a forced reproduction through rape. The aliens are the opposite extreme from pornography, and, in some ways, far more terrifying.

    • Will

      It is amusing, in a horrifying sort of way, how pornographers depict themselves as patriots; crusaders for First Amendment Freedoms, and those of us who oppose them are depicted as “Nazis” or some other such group of anti-American tyrants. The Founding Fathers put the First Amendment in the Constitution to protect political dissent, however, unfortunately, all sorts of rotten apples, from pornographers to Neo-Nazis have hid behind it.

      I wish I had an answer, but I don’t other than each and every one of us, work towards eliminating it where we can. We will never stamp it out, but we can reduce it.

    • Dannilynn

      This article caught my eye. I have been through a bout with porn. My Catholic husband had involved himself with it for 8 months, that he’s admitted. I caught him when I noticed racy you-tube videos on his history when he brought his laptop home one evening, for the first time ever. I had never in a million years imagined that he would have been “one of those” men. Weeks later, revelation after revelation occurred as I dug deeper into his computer. He finally admitted that he was watching hard core porn.

      The damage that has ensued has been nothing but tsunamic. In anger, he outed himself to our kids, who are homeschooled. They were shocked and disgusted that a grown man, their father, could be so weak, immoral and fake. He lost all credibility with them as a moral leader. For myself, I have been reduced from my rightful place as a loving spouse to a receptacle of his lust generated from his visual aids. My feelings of respect for him are absent, my trust is descimated and my anger level is off the charts. I am not always successful in keeping it to myself. I have required rehashing over and over just to help me function, to his great dismay. Our family is on shaky ground despite his assurances he will never do “it” again. How can he be believed when he has lied so much and I had to learn to be a computer genius to find these things…it was only then when he’d cop to it. He claimed it was only sexy you-tube videos and that was it. When I found worse, he denied it until I showed him the “proof” from his computer. Then, he said those pictures were it. Until I checked more and found porn videos-the hard core version. He reluctantly admitted that he was guilty. He claims he has no idea why he turned to porn. I am a good wife and I have always been more interested in relations than him so it wasn’t that. He said I am the best thing that’s ever happened to him and that I had nothing to do with causing his sin. So, what did???

      Men may comfort themselves with the lie that it isn’t hurting anyone, that what their wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her, that it is harmless. When a husband is walking around in mortal sin, it isn’t harmless to his wife and children. His soul is dead!!I must tell you that I was aware there was a problem and that my husband was distant. I knew something was wrong. I thought it was work stress which caused his sexual malfunctions in bed with me. Oh, no. It was that he had made me compete with the teenaged bodies he was watching and found me lacking. It was his guilt. It was his sin. I am hurt. His kids are hurt. I hope if you are a porn user, after reading what has happened, you will go to confession and not put your family through it anymore!

      He claims it is over and he will never do it again but the damage to me and our family remains. I am on high alert and can’t make myself stop monitoring him like one of my children. I don’t feel comfortable making love to him anymore because he has made me feel ashamed by my body. I used to feel confident and pretty. Now, I feel terrible. The kids raise eyebrows when he tries to give them directions on life, hardly taking his advice seriously since he fell so badly in their eyes.

      We are praying for our success in keeping our family together. I hope eventually to recover from this. At this point, it has been 3 months since all the revelations were made and I am still struggling… please pray for us!!

    • Ted

      To inoculate myself against this scourge, I have developed a catacomb mentality because the impurity is so pervasive. Even PG-13 movies are at the level of what X (not XXX) was when the classification first started. I will not name one very popular movie of about 3-4 years ago as an example. What is interesting is that as one’s prayer life deepens with the essential help of daily Mass, increased chastity results and the awareness of the cesspool that was once our lives and what surrounds us now. I don’t even watch sitcoms anymore and am happier for it. So I think the least we can do is be good examples and refuse to participate in any of it and witness when our Lord presents the opportunity. Thanks for the article above which gives us more ammunition in our fight against this dark cloud.

      Ted

    • Chris Manion

      Mr. Reilly is on solid ground. Writing in Federalist Ten, Madison understands that men are not angels. Nonetheless, Federalist 57 (and throughout the fifties)acknowledges the indispensable “virtuous people” as the bedrock of republican government (democratic government being a parish, then and now).

      Tocqueville recognizes this as did William Penn long before him:

      “Those who will not rule themselves by the laws of God will be ruled by tyrants.”

    • Mark

      Thanks for this article.

      It reminds me of a C.S. Lewis’ quote: “We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst.”

      We laugh at those who fight against pornography, who advocate any form of “censorship”, who think that it actually (detrimentally) affects society–yet we are shocked at date rape, sexual confusion, marital problems, and sexual crimes in junior high and now even grade school.

      I remember, sitting in law school many years ago, hearing a fellow student argue that our democracy depended upon our willingness to allow pornography. At the time it seemed an adolescent argument by a young man who wanted to justify his adolescent proclivities.

      The adolescents seem to be winning. The adults need to stand up and be heard.

    • David

      This is the best article on pornography I have ever read. If you are looking at any porn, your salvation is in danger. I have been attracted to it since I was 10 years old. At 32 my life was falling apart because of the dual life I was leading, soon the bottom dropped out as I was overcome with anxiety and near depression. God knew all that was going on and caught me before my life was destroyed. It took the next 15 years to finally rid myself of it. If you are Catholic you are lucky because you have the sacraments. Use them. Go to confession as soon as possible and continue going, every week if needed. Go to Mass every Sunday and during the week. The Eucharist will give you the strength you need. Pornograghy is the devil at work. If you don’t think it is a serious problem in your life, try giving it up for one month, one week, even for one day and you will see how it has hold of you. Don’t give up though, Jesus is there to help you. Make your return to him today as the time is short. I didn’t think my life was worth much until I allowed God in.

      Dannilynn, don’t give up on your husband, virtually every man has been hurt by porn and it takes a long time to recover. When he does though, he will love you more than ever and God will bless you and your marrige and your kids will see the change only God could accomplish. I know because I have been there.

    • Joe H

      Your story breaks my heart. I don’t mean at all to diminish its seriousness when I say that it is also a familiar one down to the last detail. In fact the only thing that surprises me is that he says it has only been 8 months, because everything else you describe is the behavior of a life-long addict. Our society does not talk about sex addiction, but it is real.

      Sex addiction is worse than all other addictions, because it is without a doubt the most utterly humiliating and isolating, not to mention the most powerful by far. It also has the potential to do the most damage to human relationships, as your story shows. I bet most people would rather discover that their spouse is addicted to drugs or gambling.

      It is, unlike other addictions, a sickness of the mind and soul, which means the depths to which we can sink are limited only by the power of our imagination, which now, thanks to online porn, can find a near-infinite supply of outside “inspiration”. Smoke enough crack and you will die; drink enough booze in one night, and you will die. But there are no such restrictions on pornographic fantasies.

      Believe me, many addicts – I suppose I can’t say all – but many take no “comfort” in lying, deceiving, and rationalizing. You can’t be an addict without living a lie, it goes part and parcel with the addiction. The lie is a pathetic attempt to conceal a deep, crushing shame. The depths to which this addiction can sink are so far below even the most basic, minimal standards of morality and self-control that admitting to it seems almost impossible.

      Finally, the vast, vast majority of sex addicts (95% from what I read) have experienced either sexual, physical or emotional abuse and most of the time it is deeply repressed. My guess is that if your husband is like thousands (I’d say millions even) of other addicts, he desperately wants help and doesn’t know how to ask for it. Most addicts feel trapped and isolated, and sex addicts all the more so. No one talks about this problem, it isn’t acknowledged in popular culture or even secular psychology. Very few of us today can even recognize it before it is nearly too late.

      Right now only God can save your husband. I will most certainly pray for both of you. Eventually he will have to choose either you and God, or his addiction. If he was an addict before you married, you may have grounds for an annulment. Not that I think you should jump to that, because addicts CAN recover, but they have to want to.

    • Anon

      One observation about Joe H’s comment – it sounds to me like Dannilynn’s husband HAS chosen her and God. But he will absolutely need her support to get through this. Continued anger & resentment on her part will not help anyone. Hopefully the discussion here has helped Dannilynn understand that her husband didn’t see it as choosing porn over her. Also, I hope she understans that porn is probably a more powerful addiction than any other we see in our society. Sexual attraction is not only completely natural, it is by nature extremely powerful. Women certainly know this.

      I also have to take issue with part of David’s post. I was introduced to porn at a very young age and experienced (admittedly, minor) sexual molestation as a child. Porn became a regular habit and had firmly taken root by the time I was an adolescent. It plagued me for years and once in a while it still does – I’m still a man and sexual imagery is everywhere.

      However, during my teens and twenties, despite regularly (every 1-2 weeks or so) using porn, it was also a time of significantly deepening in my faith, growing in virtue & holiness and frequenting the sacraments. And I saw NO measurable progress in defeating this vice until I was over age 30 and had a minor blowout with my wife about it.

      Contrary to my teens and twenties, when I was beseeching God for the strength to overcome this vice, I was at this time not going to daily Mass at all and didn’t have a daily prayer time – none of the ordinary channels of grace that David mentions as being what you need to overcome this temptation. However, once my wife was aware (and expressed some of the same sentiments as Dannilynn above), my addiction became much more subdued and controllable. It may partially have been a function of getting a little older (hormones become more subdued), but the accountability to my wife was what finally allowed me to start overcoming this vice.

      So in my case, the sacraments didn’t seem to help, unless you see it as they prevented the habit from getting worse, which may be the case. But almost daily Eucharist and frequent confession didn’t help me kick the habit for years and years. The understanding and support of a wonderful woman did.

    • Anonymous

      This is truly the best article I have read on the issue of pornography. It was well written, and hit on all the things which happen as a result of watching porn. I have to add, however, that pornography viewing is not and should not be construed as a “man’s sport, alone.” Sadly, this is what pornography has brought us too, as the author so eloquently wrote: we live in a society where sex is no longer sacred life between a man and a woman in the bonds of matrimony. That is heartbreaking, and that is what God intended for sex.

      The reason, however, that I have to say that the viewing of pornography is not restricted to men, is that there are women who partake in the action or production of the pornography, as well.

      To Dannilyn: I can almost “feel” your heartbreak, because I found it in my home, too, by complete accident, and found both my ex-husband and my son, and a few of my son’s friends watching it. This did not occur all at once, and it happened over time, but it was devastating to find. As a woman who was once on the recieving end of sexual perversion, at the hands of a few guys in my life it was not something I appreciated.

      I could never convince myself to become a computer genius for the very reason that I can not stand what the computer does to the human soul. It has it’s merits, and I like the computer system as a giant typewriter, but when it comes down to search engines — not even those are “clean.” Since my divorce, I can not tell you how many times I have looked for an article topic, or something even related to church, and I still inadvertently stumble on to sites that I don’t want to stumble onto. And then, as if I have come across a train wreck or a car accident, I wonder: are there young girls on that video whom I should look out for? What if someone is on there, degrading herself or himself, and it is someone I KNOW? Could I stop that person from doing that if I tried? Am I person addicted to pornography and do I watch it? No. But I think that because I have been hurt not only as a child by sexual perversion at the hands of others, but also in my marital life by sexual perversion, I must also learn to get past this fact: that I am not a man’s object or toy for which they can play, or hurt in various ways. I am a woman. I am not a second class citizen, and that includes my sexuality, and my marital partner in life, no matter what size I am, no matter what I look like. I am not perfect, but I am good wife material, and those women who hurt themselves by way of acting in those films, or regularly watching them, are hurting society by very purposefully maiking themselves “second class” citizens.

    • J.D.

      Daily Mass and rosary, frequent confession, spiritual readings…all of these helped, but they were not enough to heal my sexual addiction.

      It wasn’t until I started attending Sexaholics Anonymous and working the 12 step program that I was able to stop giving in to lust.

      The SA approach did not replace the practices of my Catholic faith, but taught me to approach them in a different way. I realized that God was not going to remove what I was not willing to release. Surrender and gratitude were the key principles that I had to embrace in order to stay sexually sober.

      I don’t claim that this is the only way to overcome sex addiction or that it is for everyone, but it has worked for me so far.

    • Robert Berger

      This article illustrates the naive notion that censorship makes people more virtuous. Pornography has existed since the time of the ancient greeks, and always will. Does Mr. Reilly really believe that if the US government makes pornography illegal, people will simply stop seeking and iusing it, and that America will be a more virtuous country ?
      It would merely go underground. Did prohibition stop alcohol consumtion in America? Of course not. And organized crime exploited this illegaity, as it will probably do if pornography become illegal.
      And who is to say what is pornographic or offensiove ?
      Playboy magazine is pretty tame stuff compared to pornography of the grosser kind, more erotica than pornography.
      What is offensive to one person is not necessarily offensive to others. And the notion that the founding fathers “forbade” pornography is patently absurd. There is absolutely nothing in the Constitution mentioning it, and organized pornography as we know did not even exist at the time.

      • Celeste

        I completely agree. The majority of the comments on this thread are from relatively conservative Christians. Just because the existance and use of pornography offends you does not mean it offends others. In addition, there are many people who are able to use pornography without becoming “addicted” or “perverted”. In fact, many couples watch it together in order to overcome sexual disorders and/or problems.

    • Peter Freeman

      Dear Mr. Berger,

      Reilly already anticipated your argument when he writes:
      “In such a case, trying to restore censorship in the short term is politically difficult and probably ineffective…What must come first is far more important: the recovery of the sensibility underlying the prohibition against the desecration of sex.”
      He concedes that censorship itself is not the ideal solution to the problem and, in the above passage indicates that virtue must come first; censorship second.

    • Chris

      Dannilynn:
      This CD from Lighthouse Media may be a helpful resource for your husband. it is a talk entitled “Defeating Satan’s Deadly Weapon Against Men” by Jeff Cavins. Just google this serial number and you’ll find a link to it.

      Defeating Satan’s Deadly Weapon Against Men
      By: Jeff Cavins
      Pornography has become pervasive in our culture – a true plague, infecting nearly every corner of our society. Its disastrous effects are seen in sexual addiction, ruined marriages, and shattered lives. Jeff Cavins notes that many men struggle with pornography. With great insight, he shows how we can fight pornography’s devastating influence and chart a course to true Christian purity. This talk is the same as “The Pornography Plague and the Path to Christian Purity” – LHS8_7

    • Mike

      This comment is for Dannilynn. I read your story and it is heartbreaking. As your husband needs to regain his role as the moral leader in your house, he needs your support. He opened the door to sin and the devil has his hooks in him. I do not know you or him, but but as a Catholic family he needs to start the healing process. The first thing he should do is to go to confession and ask for God to forgive him for is mortal sins. If he can begin to lead your family in prayer, rosary, etc. he can be strngthened and your children can see how God can change the hardened hearts in our world. Then you could get a content blocker for all computers in the house http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ is a free content blocker you can download on the computers and only you having the password. We got this for our young children primarily because to make sure they did not get to a site by accident. I liken this approach to keeping the alcoholic out of the bar. Limiting the temptation is key to strengthening his resolve. I believe with these steps your marriage can be healed. Your husbands use of pornography is not a criticism of your physical characteristics. His use likely began as a result of some wound in his life. He turned inward and took comfort in the physical gratification and satans grip began. Despite this blow to your marriage you can overcome this. We are married before God and he can repair broken bonds and mend hearts if we trust in Him. Uour family need to witness his reparation and conversion. I will pray for you and your family.

    • desperate

      PLEASE HELP [smiley=sad]

      I surfed Patrick Madrid’s site, spirit daily and now catholic inside…shock…not at the article. It was great, but guys, please understand…those who are addicted to porn are fighting the very image that you posted with the article. If you do not know the affects of porn, I must fill you in. The very images you displayed will cause addicts to lust, causing uncontrollable chemicals to go off in the brain. Please help them dont feed them.

      Thank you.

    • Victor Over Porno

      I agree with desperate. The photo is inappropriate and definitely can be a cause of temptation. Please remove it ASAP.

    • Dave

      I too am impressed with the authors insight into this blight.
      Pornography is merely one of Satan’s numerous campaigns against
      us. I can not buy a disk drive too large to fill with loads
      of porn available on the web, and it’s all free. As someone
      once said, the internet did for pornography what Gutenberg did
      for books. In my mind, porn has become like bread mold. It is literally everywhere and all but impossible to avoid, and I mean
      not only the web, but books, magazines, tv and movies. I see things on during the 7:00 hour that weren’t allowed at all when
      I was young. I think it is much harder for women to relate to
      the power that this imagery has over males. No matter where you
      are on the scale in this fight to resist, the thing to remember
      is that you must resist, and continue to resist. It’s called
      repentance and it is fundamental to our salvation. I recall the
      words of Jesus who said “he who endures to the end will be
      saved” and I sincerely hope that I can endure.

    • common sense
    • larry flynt
    • Sid Sweeney

      Soooo….an article based on Catholicism using the ancient Greeks as support. Nothing like a little fiction to support your case. VERY weak.

      People are sexual beings…always have been…always will be. It is how we are wired. Funny how in some of the posts above regarding this article there is no mention of what a couple’s sex life is (as a backdrop to the potential reason a spouse is using porn). People need to have sex. MAYBE there are sexual issues within the relationship that can also CAUSE the search for sex elsewhere (strippers, hookers and yes porn).

      We can not eliminate this type of content. It IS a first amendment issue. Move to another argument.

      Once again…bottom line is Catholics using shame to impose their will.

    • Andrew Rezen

      Virtue is the only answer.

      Please foster and encourage it. For in the end, civilization will survive on the shoulders of its virtuous members, not on the restraints placed upon the morally weak.

    • Carrie

      Dannilynn,

      I can empathize with your plight. I dated a man for 4 and half years before we married. He claimed to be such a devout Catholic but I could sense something was wrong just a few months into our marriage. He was distant, irritable and constantly criticizing me for my weight and appearence. If I didn’t look like a model, he wasn’t interested. I knew he had looked at porn in the past but he said he was done with that.

      Then one day, just shy of our one year anniversary I found an email where he was arranging a meeting with an on-line escort. I confronted him and he came up with all sorts of excuses but finally told me he had been seeing them once a month for the past 4 years. Before and after our marriage. I guess the porn wasn’t enough. So I left him. I could not be with someone who committed such fraud. He had been with at least 20 different prostitutes and sometimes with more than one at a time.

      How could I compete with that as a wife? I couldn’t and I won’t. He and his mother gave me quite a bit of grief for leaving him and filing for divorce because it wasn’t the “Christian” thing to do. Really all I have to do is request that little sheet I filled out from pre-cana to show that he willingly committed fraud not only to me but to the Church and God. People say porn is harmless, it’s not. It’s unhealthy especially if you are a grown man who is married. It is as good as cheating and can lead to more dangerous behavior. Maybe it was un-Christian of me to leave him but I could not have children with that man. He makes me sick. I will never tolerate a man looking at porn at all, ever! If a man needs to look at porn, then he obviously lacks respect for the woman he claims to love, period.

    • ma_che62

      Dear Sid Sweeney,

      So a world without shame is what we should strive for?

      People are selfish beings too; therefore, self-centerism should reign. The result? How about something as mundane as obesity? “I want it and I want it now!” “If it feels good, do it.” Doesn’t matter if it’s too much food, or drugs, or sex….eh? A world without shame?

      Remember the word “bastard.” It branded EVERYONE who contributed to it. It was a way of stigmatizing illegitamete births…in order to protect children. We now use the non-judgmental phrase “out-of-wedlock births.” And because of our failure to judge and the loss of shame, black Americans have a 70% out of wedlock birth rate; it’s over 30% in the general population. And who suffers from this failure of…well…let’s say “shame?” The innocent child of course. He grows up having been abandoned by his father from the moment of birth. The worthless father doesn’t suffer; he got what he wanted and then ran away. Do you think that’s a good thing for young black people to burden? Having black skin is enough of a challenge in our race obsessed society. Try growing up without a father.

      This is what we get from the elimination of shame. Shame is a powerful tool for the purpose of protecting the innocent. It discourages illegitimate births which protects children. In the case of porn, it discourages the objectifying of females, thereby protecting them and increasing respect for them.

      Of course the framers of the First Amendment did not have in mind the protection of porn. In fact, had there been internet porn in the late 1700s the wording of the First Amendment would have been dramatically different than that which it is. No. Censorship is not the answer. Self restraint, and a little bit of shame is the answer.

      • Celeste

        Excuse me, but why did you feel the need to emphasise that African Americans have a higher wedlock rate? Are they not included in the “general population”? In addition, familes can work out just fine when the parents aren’t married. My parents arent, and I am doing just fine. Also, my friend grew up without a father, and she is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I’ve ever met. The nuclear family is NOT the only option.
        Education and information are the way to turn people to your side, if that is what your aim is. Shaming someone into doing what you deem is morally acceptable is deceptive, devious, and wrong. If you must shame someone into accepting your belief, then there might be something wrong with your belief. People who truly believe in something will die for it, preach it, and spread the word. They will not hang their heads for their misconduct or violation of their true belief.

    • Anon

      Carrie-

      You’re obviously – and understandably – upset. But you make some statements in your final paragraph that are, I think, unwarranted and go too far.

      Looking at porn, as has amply been shown by the comments here, is a habit for many, many men. It’s not something they’re proud of, but it also can be deeply ingrained and not easily broken, even after marriage. I know you assert otherwise, but try to believe me when I say that it’s not an issue of “lacking respect” for your wife. It’s a basic instinct – perhaps THE most basic. And if women are out there sexually flaunting themselves, it sometimes takes heroic virtue not to look. That’s something that most of us can’t muster up every single time.

      Ask yourself why porn is SO pervasive, SO profitable, SO ubiquitous. And why is almost all of it geared towards men? You, as a woman, don’t see its allure, but you might at least try to understand that just because a man sometimes gives in to this very natural temptation, does not mean he doesn’t respect or deeply love his wife. As Sid correctly points out, humans are sexual beings. A stimulus will provoke a response, and especially if a response is habitual, it’s not going to be corrected immediately.

      I’m not justifying your ex-husband’s behaviour. But most – perhaps all – American men have looked at porn. That doesn’t mean we cheat on our wives (though you claim it’s the same thing, it is not), doesn’t mean we’ve ever used an escort, and doesn’t mean we’re not trying to overcome this vice. If you “will not tolerate a man looking at porn, ever”, you will have a very hard time finding a man at all who isn’t already a saint.

    • R.A.

      I’m so sad for all of you. I am also a weak Catholic man like your husband – (though until recently not been to Mass for years) I am divorced dad of 4 kids all grown up now. I live on my own and partly due to loneliness I have indulged heavily in HC porn. I am not justifying this behaviour, but I do believe the endorphins kicking in actually got rid of my chronic depression I tend to suffer from.
      The artical is no doubt quite true in noting that most serial killers probably have porn addictions.
      But believe me porn taps into the bio/psychological and natural way of working for the male no matter how kind and loving a husband and a father he might also be. It can affect otherwise very decent people.
      Lately I’ve been watching a lot of EWTN, consequently I have been moved to unsubscribe membership to porn sites, been to confession,(embarassing, yet I still don’t feel I’ve made a good enough one) My intention is to try and really observe Lent well, offering up the sacrifices for atonement for me and for porn stars and folks like you and your family affected by it.If I succeed I will allow myself go to Communion at Easter.
      I know you probably have no respect for me, but please say a prayer for me too in my endeavour to live a better life.

    • Anon

      R.A. – Your comments are wonderful to hear. Keep it up! You are absolutely doing the right thing. Change daily habits, too, that tended to end in viewing porn. Instead of surfing the net, get a really good series of books you can’t wait to get back to. Get a second job that keeps you out of the house in the evenings. Join a gym and exercise. I’m just throwing out suggestions. Like a drg addict trying to change his ways – or anyone in habitual vice – the biggest aid is to break the habits that lead to the vice. Change your surroundings, friends, routine, everything. Replace them with good, positive, virtuous stuff. It’s certainly not a guarantee, but it will help a great deal.

      Praying for you, brother.

    • Fred

      Soooo….an article based on Catholicism using the ancient Greeks as support. Nothing like a little fiction to support your case. VERY weak.

      Mr. Sweeney: Much of Greek thought, particularly as manifested in Aristotle’s works (look up his concept of the “Unknown God” if you are of the research-oriented type) have long been found to be in harmony with Catholic teaching. Why exactly does that make the article weak?

      People are sexual beings…always have been…always will be. It is how we are wired.

      That’s true, people are. Catholics believe God *wants* this to be the case. At issue here, however, is what happens when that hardwire goes…haywire…if you know what I mean.

      Funny how in some of the posts above regarding this article there is no mention of what a couple’s sex life is (as a backdrop to the potential reason a spouse is using porn).

      Well, that would be both unnecessarily personal but also mostly irrelevant. Catholic theology has fairly closely defined ‘proper’ sex (my word) as opposed to unchaste sex. In other words, extenuating circumstances, for the most part, do not exist.

      People need to have sex. MAYBE there are sexual issues within the relationship that can also CAUSE the search for sex elsewhere (strippers, hookers and yes porn).

      Certainly no argument there, but if that is meant to be a seque into exculpating people who are in the grip of unhealthy lust then I must simply return to the author’s argument, which is that sex is good for the soul and ergo society when it is ordered properly within marriage…and only then.

      We can not eliminate this type of content.

      You are probably correct.

      It IS a first amendment issue.

      Well, place “IS” in capital letters is not a highly convincing method or argumentation….if I say it “ISN’T” have I won the argument because I use more letters?

      Move to another argument.

      Once again…bottom line is Catholics using shame to impose their will.

      OK…let’s go ahead and say “you are correct”. If we impose our will, and we can return our society to a more stable structure through healthy families, a greater tax base, less crime, and less need for taxpayers dollars to fund shelters, Planned Parenthoods, and abortion clinics would you agree it is worth it?

    • Joe H

      Sid Sweeney, can you really be so indifferent to the anguish and misery people right here on this forum are expressing? Most of us don’t need to be guilted and shamed by the Church, since the real damage we do to ourselves and others is more than enough for that. How many broken marriages, ruined sex lives and devastated families will it take before people realize that pornography is an epidemic of evil?

      We will not “move on”. The First Amendment was intended to protect political expression, not obscenity. I agree with Fred. It is worth it to do away with porn to recover what is left of our dignity and sanity.

    • Jake NC

      I have used porn for more than half my life (18yrs). Playboy was the start and hard core online has had me for the past six years. Much of what has been stated I can relate and attest to. Especially the power a faithful and devoted wife has to help her sinful husband overcome the problem. In addition to the Sacraments, I have found this prayer to be helpful when tempted: Lord, I am thankful for the gift of my sexual desires. I surrender this lustful desire to you and I ask you please, by the power of you death and resurrection, to untwist in me what sin has twisted so that I may experience sexual desire as you intend — as the desire to love in your image. Amen.

    • meg

      Saint Michael the Archangel,
      defend us in battle; be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
      and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God,
      thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

    • sabrina

      …for publishing this article again! Very helpful. Nevermind the “barking dogs” as St. Escriva once put it. The people you need to reach are affected. Compare the personal testimony to the cold words briefly and indifferently referring to “first amendment issue” and “supporting argument.” Look at real live people and what they have to say, not some jargon. Mary, help of Christians, pray for us!

    • bob reillly

      I am truly humbled by the spiritual beauty of so much that is written here.

    • religious whacko
    • Jack Sonnemann

      Sir – Great article on why porn is so bad.

      In Australia we have the highest rape rate in the industrialized world, our children kill themselves more than any other OECD country, so-called “soft” porn is legally sold to/displayed to/accessed by children of all ages, we legally allow our daughters to become whores, car theft is the most reported crime, rape is the least reported and the Aboriginal community is presently being decimated by Australia’s professional porn merchants! Little children are being shown hard core pornographic videos/Dvds and encouraged to perform likewise.

      All, however, is not lost. Until a few years ago porn magazines were using 15,16 and 17 year olds – after a successful lobbying and letter writing campaign – the age is now up to 18. The Australian Playboy editor was fired from his position after debating me on national television and due to organized letter writing campaigns boycotting Australian Playboy’s advertisers the magazine no longer is in Australia. ALL of Australia’s Dial-a-Porn numbers were cancelled after passing legislation in Federal Parliament to require an opt-in facility to receive the service – after the Bill was passed only 11 people requested the service!

      Australian pornographers can no longer use child magnets (Mickey Mouse type characters) or psuedo child imagery (women dressed as little girls). Although we have cable and satellite television we have banned all X rated. Other positive actions have resulted in several victories at local, state and federal levels. God’s people have a responsibility to usher in His Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven. All of us should do what we can to unite our voices with those who are taking some positive action and seeing results.

      We can all contact an advertiser, after all it is the smut-for-profit business. They don’t care about our daughters, they care about our dollars. We can all contact our members of congress or parliament, after all they do work for us. We can all educate ourselves – like reading Bob Rellly’s excellent article. But then, and this is most important, do something! David picked up 5 smooth stones when he faced Goliath. He did not know what to do or how to do it but he was not going to let this abomination continue!

      Like the pro choice, pro porn, pro homosexual “Catholic” legislators in the US we have a “Christian” Prime Minister who is member of the Australian Labor Party (ALP). His party has policies such as building free-standing abortion clinics “as a priority”, lowering the age of consent for sex to 10 (yes 10 in Melbourne, 13 in Canberra), removed sexual penetration of a child from the Major Crime Index in Victoria and the ALP initiated legal prostitution.

      Although X Rated videos/Dvds have been banned in every State in Australia this “Christian” Prime Minister continues to give Australia’s hard core smut merchants sanctuary in Canberra, which somewhat like DC, is in the Australian Capital Territory. They have a thriving mail order business by advertising in all of the porn magazines in Australia.

      We hope to see our Prime Minister prove his “Christian” credentials by seeing the same simple restrictions placed on hard core porn in Canberra as already exist everywhere else in Australia. Simple.

      It is good to repent from our sin, it is good to seek forgiveness, it is good to worship and fellowship but is essential, for our children’s sake, to bring Jesus into areas where we have left Him out in the past. When we bring Him into any situation, the situation has to change. We are not to lose heart in doing good, for in due time, we shall reap if we faint not.

      God bless you for your very important work.

      Jack Sonnemann, Dir Australian Federation for the Family, http://www.Ausfamily.org (password ‘decency’)

    • Carrie

      Anon,

      While I see some of the points you make, those were also some of the justifications and reasoning behind my ex’s behavior that he would give me when caught in the act of looking at internet porn. I don’t think I could ever find a man who never looked at porn but maybe someone has grown out of the teenage hormone driven state of mind. Or someone who realizes that all that stuff is harmful and fake. If you are married it is disrespectful. I doubt men would like it if their wives were surfing porn or on-line dating sites. But really I know that my ex is not sorry because he never took responsibilty for his actions, he blamed it on everyone but himself and the lengths he went to to cover up his lies shows his lack of remorse. He is a very bad man that has no conscience. Maybe he is a sociopath and has this outward exterior as a “devout” Catholic is to shield people from his true disgusting self. Or he is simply just so in love with himself that everything is about his satisfaction and no one else. There is much more to the story besides just looking at porn and going to prostitutes but I will leave it at this.

    • C

      I do not want to add to your suffering but here are a few questions. Should a Christian focus on her own sin or on that of others? Should we resemble the one who said “Have mercy on me a sinner” or the ones who were eager to cast the first stone? And which do you sound more like if you reread your comment? Did you have the right to invade your husband’s private space? Was discussing this sort of thing with your children an appropriate step, considering the effect on them? If they do not respect their father is it because they previously imagined him to be sinless? When you married him were you somehow under the impression that he was sinless? And if not, was it never your intention to meet his sins with compassion and patience? Do you think being regarded by his wife and children with rage and disgust (and, it seems, very little basic kindness) will make his achievement of sanctity more or less likely? In all your high dudgeon are you making virtue appear particularly attractive?

    • Anna

      There are things to which the proper response is anger – and taking something reserved for one’s spouse and giving that to others (and dehumanizing one’s spouse in the process) qualifies. That anger has to be used and expressed rightly, but anger really is sometimes justified. Dannilynn said that her husband was the one who told the kids – otherwise, I’d agree with you on that, that it is not something kids need to know gory details about. She wasn’t invading his “private space” – he was violating hers by his breaking of his marital vows. He needs to know the effect this has on real people. So often the excuse for sins like this is that “it’s not really hurting anyone,” but that is truly not the case. All sin, no matter how private, harms others and porn destroys relationships like almost nothing else as it requires that humans be reduced to objects. My husband knows I’m a sinner and vice versa, but we are called to help our spouses avoid and overcome sin, not just shrug it off b/c nobody’s perfect. And some sins are more damaging than others, not something to be patiently borne with over the years, but something that must be eradicated. That said, it takes a long time to overcome a porn addiction and probably isn’t something Dannilynn’s husband will be able to do on his own. It will require time, love, patience, and hard work on both their parts to do, but he has to realize that he needs to make real changes and that that hurt isn’t something that she will just be able to brush off as though nothing has happened.

    • meg

      If you’re still reading, please ignore C’s post and all the questions C asked. Your anger is totally justified, especially at your husbands decision to tell your homeschooled children of his porn addiction. We homeschool in part to keep our kids away from exposure to things like porn and I imagine you do too, so this is particularly grave. You have a wife’s/mother’s righteous anger – it’s actually very Catholic – which will subside with much prayer (your husband must pray fervently too) and God’s grace. Try to channel the anger into fierce determination to help save your family. As you requested I will pray for your family as you try to rebuild – if you want to rebuild with all your heart and you pray hard you will succeed. It may be the hardest thing you ever do but it will be worth it.

      I’m guessing your husband is one of millions of men who would never have turned to porn if the access wasn’t so dang easy. When they are feeling down or insecure its an easy fix which becomes addictive very quickly. The incredible ease of access makes it extremely tempting and the secrecy of it leads the user to think of it as victimless, but this is far from true if the man has a wife and family. Viewing porn is really sinning twice, because you sin by viewing it but also by enjoying witnessing someone else destroying their own soul.

      Maybe we should all turn just turn off the TV (and obviously the computer). It’s filled with absolute filth, even old stand-bys like Law & Order regularly touch on formerly taboo subjects like porn and pedophilia. We think we’re not affected because we’re adults but you know what? I’m guessing we are.

      I posted the St. Michaels prayer here earlier after reading the “How to Win the Culture War” piece also on this sight. The writer of that piece mentions how this prayer was excluded from Mass starting in the 60′s. It is a very direct declaration of war on the devil and everyone should start saying it once again after Mass and daily if necessary. The writer simply says our biggest problem is the devil and I agree – the devil is behind porn in the most obvious way. Porn destroys virtue and souls faster than any other vice today. So it bears repeating:

      Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle; be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray: and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

    • Jack Sonnemann

      Sir,

      The ‘culture war’ must be fought to be won. We cannot win it – in fact we do not even fight it – if we simply turn off “Law and Order”. How does that help anyone else much less send a message to those in charge of our culture that we are sick and tired of their trash?

      Someone suggested that the porn problem wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t “so darn easy” to access. How does turning off your TV restrict that access? You can however effect the producers of bad TV by letting the advertisers (financiers) know you will boycott their products. It is the smut-for-profit business after all. Impact their bottom line – money is an international language – and you have a positive impact on their behavior. Try it.

      http://www.Bsafe.online gives the best protection I can find to protect against Internet porn. It is blocked at the server level. It is on my computer – I am a man – and I cannot override it with any password. Like I said it is the best I can find which is the reason I use it. I cannot access a porn site even when I am tempted.

      Television is a visual imagery medium and is the most influential tool in today’s arsenal of weapons used against us in the cultural war and we are losing. Wake up. Send a message, get involved, quit whining and take some positive action in this ‘winnable war’. It is only winnable if we fight it. Unfortunately we tend to blame the media, the teachers, the politicians or somebody else when Holy Scripture assures us that judgement begins in the household of God.

      By all means turn off offensive TV, don’t hire porn videos, don’t visit pornographic websites and keep pure in these areas. That certainly helps us but what about our neighbors? What about their children? Do we not care? Are we not our brothers keepers? Do we not have an obligation to our children’s generation to establish standards that at least our parents enjoyed? What we allow freely today they would never have stood for. Who is wrong? Them or us?

      Faith without works is dead. Our works, as insignificant as they may seem, actually bring Jesus into whatever situation we face and He is certainly greater.

      MOVIEGUIDE.org, a Christian guide to popular entertainment, gives us proof that sexually oriented movies do not do as well or make as much money as family orientated movies with faith and values. Hollywood just praised pedophilia, same-sex marriage and the promotion of radical homosexuality with the Academy Awards. Just proves how out of touch they are with mainstream family values yet they are establishing standards in today’s culture.

      Be encouraged. Less porn equals less addiction, fewer broken marriages, impossible beauty expectations, intimate marriages and real men. As we take positive, proactive steps to reestablish Jesus as Lord in our culture, instead of simply complaining about how porn is ruining it, then and only then can we show the world that Jesus is Lord.

      The Book of James is filled with good works and I will show you my faith by my works!

      Jack Sonnemann, Dir
      Australian Federation for the Family
      ww.Ausfamily.org (password ‘decency’)

    • meg

      My paragraph on TV was indeed poorly worded – if the solution to all of this were only that easy. I wasn’t implying that turning off the TV was the *solution* to the problem, just a common sense measure that families can take *before* porn becomes a problem. TV is an every day habit for many families and if you watch enough of it you can grow numb finally to the messages that filter into your home through this medium.

      I believe TV lays the groundwork for porn to flourish as porn is presented “neutrally” over and over again, on comedies as something to laugh about, something everyone looks at, and on dramas often as just a tangential aspect of a characters life without moral implications. So it ends up changing people’s thinking without their being aware. The result is that men and boys – who otherwise wouldn’t view porn – are because of the lifted stigma, curiosity and constant reminders lead into it.

      Same with the computer – don’t sit and surf. Send your emails, etc. and turn it off.

    • Jack Sonnemann

      meg – and others,

      We also homeschool and had no TV in our home for over 20 years. It is possible. So much has been written about the negative effects of TV. “The Plug In Drug” by Marie Winn, “The Home Invaders” by Dr Donald Wildmon, “4 Arguments for the Elimination of All Television” by Dr G Mander just to name a few. There is so much data confirming the harmful effect of TV that there is no excuse for ignorance in the 21st century. Our website has links to many sites and research papers citing the empirical evidence of harm.

      What you said is spot on about TV causing one to grow numb to its messages. It is called psychological desensitization. Believe it or not scientists determined that less than 5 hours of pornographic videos over a 6 week period is what they call “massive exposure” to porn. Everyone who has been massively exposed to porn, men and women, if placed on a jury will hand down 1/2 the rape sentence as those who have not been massively exposed. By the way, the actual “massive exposure” group was 4 hours and 48 minutes over 6 weeks. Less than 1 hour of pornographic visual imagery per week causes all of its viewers to “trivialize” rape. This is proven.

      In Australia there is a desperate need for a higher standard in TV broadcasting. We have full frontal nudity 24 hours a day on free-to-air TV in everyone’s home! The “f” word is OK’d during family viewing hours. A Senate committee was establishing standards for the then-new Pay TV stations: satellite, cable etc. This committee, made up of Australian federal Senators was prepared to allow X Rated because people paid for it, why should we stop them from getting what they want, what’s wrong with nudity, we were all born naked etc.

      In such a secular society as Australia the job to impact TV standards has always been impossible. We brought Dr Judith Reisman from the US to Australia and she addressed this committee and they banned X Rated from Pay TV. As far as I know Australia is the only country in the Western World that has Pay TV and no X rated! The secular regulators saw the truth presented for the first time and it destroyed all the lies they believed about X Rated pornography. The Truth (Jesus) always overcomes the lies. It is just up to us to try and figure out how to get His truth heard.

      We did not know what to do – and if we can do it anyone can – but we knew Jesus was very disturbed by the way the X Rated merchants violate, subjugate, dehumanize and denigrate the very image of God so we did something. If Judith’s presentation did not work we would have done something else.

      My wife and I knew that the pornographers portrayal of women would be more and more accepted by Australian men and young boys – much little girls – that we decided to do something. We want our children, and now our grandchildren as from 1 Jan, to grow up and bless us for the sociey we hand them. The way we are going they would not be wrong to curse us!

      The war is winnable – we just have to fight it.

      Every blessing,

      Jack Sonnemann, Dir
      Australian Federation for the Family
      http://www.Ausfamily.org password ‘decency’

    • Antunes

      Wonderful text. I never seen such reasoning, and I find it excellent.

    • Tibiri

      Mr. Robert R. Reilly went right to the point. It’s brilliant! I intend to translate some parts of the article into portuguese and publish it at my blog. In Brazil, where pornography unfortunately rules today, we need read wise words like this.

      Tibiri

    • The Silent Majority

      The conversation going on in the comments only goes to disprove Rielly’s point. If what he were saying about easy access to porn via the internet polluting otherwise virtuous people’s morals were true, nobody would be on here talking about how Church has protected/saved them from porn’s influence.

      The fact of the matter is, watching porn is a choice. Computers and TVs have this amazing feature called an “off” button. Only those filthy souls who are beyond salvation who WANT to watch porn are watching it. Is it not enough that people who don’t want to watch porn are free to not watch it?

      It’s important to remember that even when you are Catholic, your family is Catholic, and all your friends are Catholic, America is not Catholic. America is not even Christian. If it were, I wouldn’t have to pay taxes, because I’m sure as purgatory not Christian. Non-Catholics/Christians have just as much a right to live dirty, sinful lives as Catholics have the right to live pious ones. Someday we will have a Jewish president. How would you feel if he outlawed pork? You’d think it was pretty stupid and insensitive to the rest of the country, wouldn’t you? That’s how the rest of us feel when people want to create laws or alter our nation’s culture based on Christian/Catholic principles. We live here, too.

      And here’s another shocker- people with sexual morals that are different from your own still have sexual morals! If they didn’t, every homosexual, porn-watcher, or person who has casual sex would be out raping people and molesting children. But that’s not the case.

      So by all means, stay away from porn if it’s not your thing. Tell your kids not to watch it. Throw a lamp at your husband for watching it rather than just asking him, “is there something different you’d like to try in bed?” if that’s what makes you feel better. But don’t parade your morals around like they’re the only option out there. The rest of us are perfectly happy with our lives and our own relationships with God (you thought everyone who knows how to have fun is an atheist? Far from it!) If you notice one common thing with anti-Christian backlash in the media, it never stems from society wanting to stop Christians from practicing their faith amongst themselves. It all stems from Christians trying to make society more like themselves. Sorry but we’re not interested.

    • Nathan Cushman

      This article (and others on this site) already answers your complaints.

      The kind of freedom this country was founded on REQUIRES a degree of Judeo/Christian morality. Yes, non-Christians still have morals. Yes, we realize you aren’t all out there raping everything that moves.

      But most Americans, whether they realize it or not, are basing many of there moral ideas on Christianity (albeit in distorted form).

      We, as Christians do not, and CANNOT believe that our values are “good for us” but just a nuisance to others. Our morals are good for everyone. Still, we do not propose to enforce every detail of our moral code. We just need to make sure that the necessary laws do exist. What laws are necessary is up for debate, but don’t fool yourself into thinking, “Well, the Catholic Church says X is wrong, but many Americans think X is right, therefore X should be legal, Catholics should just avoid X, and be happy.”

      That is the kind of thinking that lets Nazis take up murder and other atrocities, ignoring those “pious” people who want to “force” their morals on everyone.

      There is a reason for every one of God’s moral laws, don’t put all the blame on us just because you don’t understand them.

      And I don’t think we Catholics have much envy for the hollow meaningless lives of atheists, we may prefer a kind of fun which isn’t so self destructive and devoid of meaning.

    • Silent Stone Speaking

      Excellent article

    • Silent Stone Speaking

      Seeking help from two different clergy, unbeknownst to each other, was told I had made my bed, now sleep in it. That, and the fact that I had to divorce the 1st in order to get legal custody of my first child at that time; I stopped going to church (this was when a divorced person could not receive communion). The fact that I couldn

    • Carrie Ann

      Thank you for this article; I am glad there are people who are willing to speak out about this still–so many people have been hopelessly brainwashed and think that porn use is harmless; and are quick to throw out insults at anyone who condemns it.

      My husband has a porn addiction and refuses to admit it. I have been trying to get control over this monster for the better part of a year now and I hope I can keep fighting. I knew he watched porn from the beginning but this goes to show how convincing outside influences can be ; I tried and tried to accept it swallowing whole all the lies that are constantly shoved down our throats about porn; most of all the one that goes ‘porn is harmless and won’t hurt your relationship’ and also ‘It’s impossible for any man on earth to stop watching porn’. So pretty much I never said anything and everything appeared to be fine but I was a ticking time bomb that went off around May 2008 when I got so depressed about it I couldn’t deny anymore that porn was ruining my marriage and I asked him to stop, and I’m sure everyone knows how the basic story goes; we had a big fight and he said he’d stop. Then after several incidents where I found traces of the porn again and again on the computer and he promised again and again it wouldnt happen again; I discovered him chatting up other females, telling them he was single , asking to see them on their webcams bla bla. Me being stupid here(just begging to be hurt) I played the “my friend has this problem” game, telling him that a friend of mine had caught her husband chatting with girls and told him exactly everything that HE had been saying to the other girls except he thought I was talking about my friend’s husband. Then I said “If you were to do that what would your motives be?” And he told me “well I would only say those things if I were looking for an affair.” So then of course I told him I was talking about him and another huge fight ensued…of course it ended with more promises yet this time they seemed sincere; I became severely depressed though for a while …he seemed to be trying though this time around and I slowly came out of it but still very distrustful, I installed a keylogger on the computer and sure enough, about a week later more porn. I even went so far as to create an email account with a name similar to the name of one of the females he had been chatting to(I only changed 1 number so he never noticed..) and asked him would he like to see some sexy pics of me in a bikini? Yep he accepted. He still doesn’t know that it was me. Then after a few more incidents I told him “look I realize it is an addiction even if you don’t and I realize that you will have slip ups but you need to stop hiding everything. I won’t get angry when you slip up but you have to quit sneaking around”. So he said he would quit deleting everything. Of course he didn’t and I found out every time he looked at porn; given the times were less and less frequent which convinced me that at least he was trying but what bothered me at this point was that he didn’t trust ME enough to be honest about it.

      • Celeste

        Why, on God’s green earth would he trust you when you monitor everything on his computer? You are being positively Orwellian. If it bothers you that much, then realize you are too good for this man, tell him to get out, and be done with it. Don’t keep track of it, because you know he’s just going to do it again. His deception started the problem, why would your deception help it?

    • Carrie Ann

      Long story short , now I unfortunately have been severely traumatized by all this as he continues to cover everything up. I have become incredibly computer savvy and worse, paranoid. Every time we go out I drive myself crazy with unwanted thoughts popping into my head, wondering if he’s staring at the waitress’s rear or looking at that trashy strip joint billboard. just a few days ago there was another one of those incidents. I found traces of a movie file called ‘beach3.avi’ and just on a whim I went to his favorite download site and did a search for the file name…yeah. It was a hidden camera movie from inside a girl’s changing room at the beach. So crossing my fingers I checked all the browser history hoping that he hadn’t tried to hide it…absolutely nothing. everything was deleted. This was really the last straw, I cracked and completely went overboard; downloading several pics of naked girls and girls in lingerie and pasted them all over the desktop for him to see and I told him I really didn’t give a darn anymore and he could look at as many naked girls as he wanted from now on. I told him I was going to stuff porn in his face constantly from now on until he just got tired of it. I sent him pics of girls when chatting online with him and told him I wanted him to look at them. I realize all of this was stupid and I’ve cut it out but it seems that it’s made him realize the effect this is having on me because his attitude towards me is completely different now; he was dismayed at my behavior and refused to look at anything I sent him. I hope this is the beginning of the end of this nightmare.

    • Anon

      Hi Carrie. Wow, I don’t envy the situation you’re in. From the point of view of “the offending husband”, hopefully you’re getting through to him and he can be more honest with you about it.

      One question I really want to ask you, though, is about your earier denial of his assertion that “porn is harmless and won’t hurt your marriage”. I am sincerely wondering about that. You seem to reject this premise. I ask you – did not your husand use porn since even before you two were married? And is it perhaps true that it’s not his use of porn that is hurting your marriage, bu the fact that you know about it and it bothers you, and the ongoing decepetion that is hurting your marriage?

      Because even though I recognize that porn is bad, I don’t really see that infrequent use of it is harmful in se to a marriage. It holds a natural attraction. It’s “normal” (in the sense that the male visual sexual appetite is made to respond positively to stimuli, releasing hormones and all that). I mean, was your marital sex life harmed by his occasional use of porn, or is it more your awareness that he occasionally looks at it is affecting you?

    • Ella

      Porn is not filthy nor is it obscene. Pornography shows sex, a natural human behavior and the physical form of love. Countries which ban porn completely are homes to the craziest terrorists who are also the most sexually repressed people on the planet. We all hear about these radical terrorists who blow up buildings because they were promised 72 virgins in heaven. So basically, they did the most gruesome acts of terror because they wanted to have sex. I would’ve rather them decide to go get a lap dance from a local strip club than kill thousands of innocent people. Seriously, you don’t see porn stars going around killing people. Sex is the most beautiful gift God has given us. Why does having porn mean that we live in an immoral society?

      Porn should be encouraged, especially to violent-prone people. I’m sure it will relieve their stress, and distract them from evil plans. As for the rest of us, porn can really enhance our sex lives. Try it for once, you never know you might actually enjoy it!

    • robert reilly

      This last post is one of the most hilarious rationalizations of the use of pornography that I have encountered. Is it a spoof? But let’s take it seriously. There are two immeidate problems posed by the empirical evidence. Dr. Marc Sageman, a forensic psychiatrist, has developed case stuies on more than 800 terrorists. They are typically married with children, not sexually frustrated single guys. There goes that part of the thesis that men commit acts of terror to have sex in paradise since they can’t here. Next, two of the 9/11 terrorists were in a strip club several nights before committing the 9/11 attacks. (Of coure, as martyrs, they had a dispensation to indulge themsleves since their purported martydom would wipe out all moral stains before Allah.) How come their impulse to kill Americans was not abatted by their participation in porn at the stip club, after which went out to “kill thousands of innocent people”? This is the exact opposite of what “Ella” says should have happened. The real truth about pornography, as I tried to point out in my article, is that it ineluctably, logically leads to violence. It is pornoraphy that creates violence-prone frustration becasue it cannot fulfill the desires it incites. It cannot do so because it itself is a lie.

      Even if she/he is joking, “Ella” shoud not encourage people to participate in this lie.

    • Ella

      I just don’t understand why porn has got such a bad rep. It’s sex. Saying porn is bad is basically saying sex is bad. To me, and hopefully everyone else, sex feels good and is the most wonderful beautiful gift we got as human beings. Forget about the terrorism thing, I mean, maybe they aren’t sexually frustrated. I’ve travelled a lot to many Arab countries and the Middle East. To them, sex is taboo and porn is straight filth. Usually these people are very frustrated. I know porn stars in Las Vegas and they don’t seem at all unhappy with their lives. A lot of them have master degrees, and are very intelligent and successful people. Porn is always going to exist, whether you like it or not. So we might as well keep an open mind about it. Again I say, when used correctly, porn can really be positive for many sexless marriages. Close-minded people, however, who are stuck in loveless marriages, end up fighting and feeling betrayed if their spouse turns to pornography. What do they expect? Just not have any sexual release of any kind? Now that to me is just cruel. We should all celebrate sex, as it is wonderful, really. Porn and sex is not indecent. What is indecent, is war and killings, which are things we should be more concerned about. I care so much about the adult industry and their rights to express their freedom that I actually plan to be a lawyer for the adult industry one day. I am willing to dedicate my entire life to prove that sex is not immoral, and that safe sex is healthy should be encouraged. To me, sex is the absolute truth. Not religion…The reason why I say this is because I am not 100% sure whether God exists or not. There has not been any substantial proof other than the fact that it stems from the Bible, (which is written by man over 2000 years ago and men are inherently flawed). I do know, however, that I exist because of sex. You exist because of sex. We are all here because at one point in time, our parents had sex and made us. Now because of this, sex is the absolute truth. Religion is just a system of morals which shouldn’t be regarded as the only answer as to why we are here.

    • Ella

      Just like Christianity, Islam teaches their people that sex should be practiced only by married couples. So God made us sexual creatures, very horny, and tell us we can’t try it out until we sign a few legal papers. Now obviously God has a sense of humor as this is obviously a big prank. Now those terrorists were taught in strict Islamic schools where they preach the same thing. A lot of these terrorists were single, and virgins. They were promised 72 virgins. The ones who are married were probably not sexually satisfied. A lot of religious Islamic people believe that sex is only for procreation. It isn’t. Sex is also for fun. You got to admit you love it too. As for those terrorists being in strip clubs, whether they were or not still emphasizes that they are sexually repressed. They probably went and got teased to an extent which lead them to do all this crazy stuff. Sex relieves stress. Porn should be considered a daily supplement for improving our overall health! And as funny as this may seem, I’m being serious!

    • meg

      As for the rest of us, porn can really enhance our sex lives. Try it for once, you never know you might actually enjoy it!

      A truly revolting suggestion. I would rather eat glass.

      After reading the original article and the comments – dominated by people truly suffering because their lives have been destroyed by porn addiction/addicts – this is what you come up with?

      At least you’re cheerful – I’ll give you that.

      May God have mercy on you.

    • Ella

      I would have to argue that it is not porn that destroys marriages, it is lack of fulfilling sexual needs and desires, as well as lack of communication. Couples should be open and honest with each other. If one enjoys porn and the other one despises it, the must compromise. The one who hates porn should give it a shot, for the sake of their marriage. If it doesn’t work out, then try something else. But again, don’t judge it until you try it. And one more thing, why do you find porn revolting? Do you find sex revolting?

      Oh, and this whole comment about God having mercy on me is pushing it. In my perspective, God views religious people who constantly pray and ask for forgiveness the same way a young man in his 20′s views his ex-girlfriend who he broke up with but can’t move on. So that ex-girlfriend constantly messages him and calls him non-stop.

      All I’m saying is that God gave us a brain to use it and think outside the box. Not to follow and live by the Bible because that very much limits a lot of freedom of choice, which is what I’m all about. Having sex is not a sin, it is not disgusting. God gave us our bodies, and our genitals so we can take advantage of them.

      Why risk all the pleasures in this short life because of a chance that there MIGHT be an after-life waiting for us. If God is truly so great, he wouldn’t punish us for taking advantage of our brains and bodies. We should have safe sex and encourage it. It’s the best feeling ever!

      I must say that I live everyday to the fullest and I am always happy. Last time i felt sad or even cried was over a year ago. My key to happiness is love your body, love other people’s bodies, don;t hurt people, and help as much as possible. Don’t discriminate against pornographers, they truly are a blessing in this world!

    • MLF

      I’m sorry but there are a lot of men here saying that their wives need to “support” them as they try to get past their porn addictions or sex addictions…I know a lot of women WOULD be more supportive of their husbands who are battling this if they took the first steps to correct it but it never really seems to work out that way… It seems like they never really care until the threat of them leaving starts to become real.
      What about support for the wives? It just wreaks of male entitlement – that women should put aside the resentment and pain they are feeling, to avoid causing resentment in their husbands because tisk tisk! If you make your husband feel resentment – he’ll go and disrespect you again! It’s a freakin’ scare tactic and a way to blame his porn use on her pain… It’s a lie. He’s responsible for her pain and she isn’t just feeling it to inconvenience him or “get her way”. If he knows how much it pains her, he would actually think twice before clicking on that link again. If he truely respected her as an equal human being, he wouldn’t even think about it.
      It shouldn’t be the wives’ job to “fix” marriages.
      And you know what? Masturbating to porn IS like cheating… The men who can’t admit that, aren’t even bothering to look at it from the woman’s perspective.
      I also saw men in here BLAME women who dress in revealing clothes for their inability to control their sexual urges. And it completely irritates me that so many men ASSUME that women don’t get arroused by images – whether it be their husband or some hunk in a magazine. News flash!!! Women look too! I’m sure that more women would be struggling with porn addiction if porn wasn’t so degrading to women… I mean, that’s what shuns me from it more than anything (I have many reasons) – is the fact that these women are being degraded, “act” like they love it and the men that we are suppose to believe respect us, go behind our backs and wank to them.
      How can you really respect women and your wives if you find the degradation of women sexy IN ANY CONTEXT? Minimizing how a woman feels to say it isn’t like cheating but I can tell you from experience – when your husband choses to wank off to women like that while you sit around wondering why he doesn’t find you attractive – it feels exactly like he’s cheating. He might not feel like he’s cheating but she feels like he is because she can sense the lack of interest and all of the other things that cause that feeling of distance when a spouse is cheating.
      It really bothers me how, yet again, the husband’s perspective only really seems to count. HE doesn’t think it’s like cheating but SHE does… Who’s right in this? Who’s opinion should be respected more than the other? Well my best instincts tell me that in instances like this – the victim should be heard, not the perpetrator. The VICTIM’s opinion should count, not the person who was clearly being self-centered.
      And that one person above – who said that sexual problems in a relationship lead to porn use mostly lying, it is exactly the other way around. And besides – anyone who thinks that porn is going to help the sexual problems in their relationship is totally in denial or TRYING to fool themselves. If couples have sexual problems – they shouldn’t go get sex somehwere else, they need to COMMUNICATE about it. They need to talk or go to couseling… There are responsible ways to handle problems that don’t hurt other people…

    • TJIC

      All of the mainstream pornography is basically VERY degrading to women. The sex in pornography isn’t like REAL sex. It is NOTHING like REAL sex.
      I hate it when people say that those of us who are against porn are against sex…. NEWS FLASH: porn is NOT sex, it’s merely a fantastical depiction of sex. Truth be told – most human sex, as it really goes on for most – would be pretty boring on film (haha, as if porn isn’t already boring and repetitive).
      Do you watch movies and if one of your friends says they hated that movie – do you try and insinuate that they hate life? Because you know, movies are totally representations of REAL life.
      I’m not saying that there isn’t more respectful porn out there but I think my biggest issue with porn is that it totally ruins sex, it’s ANTI-SEX. It teaches men distorted views about what women like in sex… It teaches men how to be selfish when it comes to sex. It teaches men that if a woman isn’t screaming as if she’s being raped, she must not like it. I know these things are true because I’ve seen them first hand. I’ve known many men who have distorted views of female sexuality precisely BECAUSE of porn.
      Other reasons to dislike the porn industry: It is prostitution. People who don’t think it is prostitution are mislead. Most of the women who end up working porn flicks were sexually abused as children/teens OR adults – many women who have been prostituted turn to porn because it seems like a safer alternative. These women are being exploited precisely because their perspective of human sexuality is based on experiences of power being used against them – their sexualities have been built around being overpowered, being forced to do things they wouldn’t normally do. Drug use in porn is VERY high – many women who have worked in porn mention that they have to get high, in order to perform and then they have to get high after – because they start feeling horrible about the things they just let men do to their bodies… And many continue working in porn because they need the money to feed their addictions… And because these women are high – they are more up for doing things that are actually painful and down right NOT sexy.
      WOmen and teens (even children) are trafficked into the sex industry, many are raped…
      How do you know for sure that when you purchase a porn that it wasn’t a tape of someone being raped? How do you know they didn’t have a gun to their head? or that the people who produced that film aren’t profiting off of rape? You can’t know! And that’s my biggest problem with porn – I have zero tolerance for violence against human beings – none of my hard-earned money will ever go towards the support of it. . And even ONE story of a woman being raped in the name of porn is enough to make me despise it but there are thousands of testimonies (seriously – just look around on-line) from women who have finally got out of the porn industry. Almost all of these women have the same story – you hear it over and over again.
      It’s harmless, right? Just sex, right?
      The people who defend porn have never tried to find an angle against it… they don’t even want to hear the truth because their “playful fun” might be ruined with the realization that most of the women in porn have emotional problems, are dead inside, have lost their souls. The thing is – I have actually done research on the other side – I was cerious to find out if porn is as evil as I feel it is and you know what? There is just waaaaaay more information that points to it being evil than the other way around. You hear very few couples saying that porn brought them closer (most of the time if it DID bring them closer – it was more like erotica – not gonzo type stuff).
      Obviously not all porn is the same and not all is as evil as the others but I don’t really see the necessity for it – even if it is respectful to women and men.
      I mean – we are turning a verb into a product…Sex is a verb – not a product (unless you are talking about biological differences).

    • Bob

      “Nothing so undermines the marital sexual bond as does pornography. As Fr. James Schall has written in Crisis, “Whenever we seek pleasure without it being grounded in what is right in the action in which it exists, we isolate the pleasure, the act, from reality.” Pornography isolates the physical act of sex, and its pleasure, from reality by making it an object of observation. Pornography reduces the marital act to a glandular event; it is impossible to “see” it as an act of love, except as a loving participant. Sex, as John Wayne once put it, is not a spectator sport.”

      I see pornography occasionally, so does my wife. We are OK with that. And we love each other dearly. This article is mindless exaggeration of the worst kind to try to prove a hypothesis you already believe in.

    • L.L.

      Porn is sex. Sex is good. Therefore, porn is good. Why is it that most people are arguing that it degrades women? Men are involved too! And another thing, Porn stars choose their lifestyles. Even if you do not agree with them, we must all respect their freedom of choice. This is the land of the free, after all!

    • Joe

      I find it interesting not only how immoral pornography is portrayed here but how subversive and destructive it necessarily is to society. Radical depictions like this brainwash the weak-minded and those yet mentally mature enough to rationalize for themselves. I would agree that pornography is an insatiable lust for love, IF the purpose of pornography WAS to explicitly portray love. But it is not expressing that emotional tie but the physical union and pleasure in relation to it. Watching it then doesnt necessarily mean that you cannot enjoy a fruitful, virtuous, and moral loving relationship with another human being; watching it simply signifies an acceptance to the physical compulsion inherent in every human being

    • bfc

      be aware that if the devil gets the husband and then also gets the wife through implacable, unending anger…..then it is both husband and wife who have been tricked….one into lust and the other into excessive anger. Get a good priest to guide you as to how far this anger should go and how far it shouldn’t. Seeking an annullment since it went beyond porn in the one case to constant adultery with hookers and previous to marriage and after… was a good choice of a newly married woman. But in cases of porn only, one is entitled to just anger…..but the devil can easily deceive such wives into excessive anger……St. Thomas: ” evil is found in a passion in respect of the passion’s quantity, that is in respect of its excess or deficiency; and thus evil may be found in anger, when, to wit, one is angry, more or less than right reason demands.”
      So one has to hit the golden mean with anger….too little is a sin and too much is a sin. The devil wants both people and he knows he can get the victim…the wife…..to sin through an anger that lasts too long. Get a priest to help you find the golden mean when you are angry…..because not just love of virtue is in the woman’s anger but beauty issues and scorn issues are there too.
      Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.

    • Bob G

      A little more advice. Don’t be too hard on your husband, notwithstanding how serious his error was. Porn is extremely insidious: one takes a “harmless” look, then another, and soon the hook has firmly sunk in. It is extremely difficult to extract. (So I think “Bob” above is playing with fire.) Dannilynn, I think what you need to do is turn to God, for yourself as much as for him. Insist your husband go cold turkey but fight your emotions against him. Resentment will make things worth. Try for pity, and don’t depend as much on him as you once did. If he gets his act together–and this may help–your relationship may be restored to what it was, although with more depth. He will be grateful for your patience and strength. Above all do not let your negative emotions get the best of you. Be glad you don’t have that problem yourself and soldier on. It could be worse.

      • Celeste

        Don’t be too hard on him? Be glad you don’t have that problem yourself and soldier on? Could you be any more sexist? You are literally asking this woman to repress her emotions. She has the right to anger if it angers her, and I cannot believe you have the gall to tell her to not be. Women have the right to be as angry as they want over this. I personally wouldn’t care, but if Dannilynn is angry, then bottling up her emotions won’t help in the slightest.

    • Tony Esolen

      The defenders of porn here are a hardhearted lot, aren’t they? We have people here crying out in pain, that the filth has destroyed their lives, and they’re just sneered at, as if it were nothing.

      Let’s get something straight, shall we? NO SOCIETY before our own, anywhere, ever believed that sexual activity of whatever kind between consenting adults was all right, just because the adults were consenting. None. Not the ancient Romans, not the ancient Greeks, not the libertines in London in the eighteenth century, nobody. Here we are, living in a society where children are routinely born out of wedlock, where they routinely grow up without both parents in the home; it has been the destruction of the African American community in the USA, as we were warned that it would by the liberal Daniel Moynihan, forty five years ago. But the defenders of porn, who are also here defending fornication, shrug and laugh. Try visiting a maximum security prison, and ask the men there how many of them grew up in broken homes. Then shrug and laugh, if you like.

      I have heard everything the pornogogues here are saying, also said by “swingers” on how that too is no big deal. What’s behind both is a failure to see the holiness of sex. It is not true that the faithful Catholics here view sex as dirty. Far from it; they view it as holy, and therefore as something that is subject to being profaned. You can’t profane a soup can, because there is nothing holy about it.

      I teach some of the greatest love poetry of the west — love poems by Spenser and Milton, for example — and they see the beauty of chastity, the beauty of total donation of oneself in marriage, the beauty of the human body, and the beauty of the act that is oriented towards the future. Spenser has choice things to say about men who people who belittle sex, such as the pornogogues do, by sneering at its holiness.

      The comparison with Prohibition is stupid, plain stupid. First, it was an attempt by the upper classes to ruin one of the few avenues of conviviality that the lower classes enjoyed, so that they’d then be more reliable workers in the dratted factories. But people did make the argument — and they had some evidence — that drunkenness was ruining the lives of wives and children, and subjecting them to violence. Well, the amendment passed — not incidentally, just after women received the franchise. What’s not often noted is that the law did indeed work. It did not work perfectly; no law does. But if you look at actuarial tables from the time, and note deaths due to alcohol related illnesses such as cirrhosis of the liver, you will notice a precipitous drop during the time of Prohibition.

      Nevertheless, it was a bad law, because there is nothing inherently wrong with having a drink, and because it was an attempt — not the first! — to nationalize what is essentially a local matter, subject to the customs of the local people. As the pornogogues have done, note well. If people in their own towns and counties had any real civic authority left to them, THEY’D clear out the porn pretty fast — in many, many places, that is. And kindly refrain from saying that we’d be less free for it. Really? Our folkways HAVE to be defined by people who like filth? Why? Let them make a case for the filth on the filth’s own merits. Let them say — like the imbeciles on the Seattle city council did — that it’s a good thing to have people stark naked riding bicycles in a public park. But of course, their “freedom” to do that restricts everybody else’s freedom to go to a park and not have to worry about indecency.

      What can be said about defending having a beer cannot be said about porn. It is an evil, to reduce sex to salacious images for sale. We had plenty of laws against it, and until Playboy came along it was relatively rare. I’ll wager that unless you lived in a city, if you grew up any time before the second world war the chances that you saw any of it at all were not great, and the chances that you saw more than a dirty picture once in a long while were tiny indeed.

      Again — the hardheartedness is most revealing.

      To the women whose husbands suffer from this: please treat it as you would treat a drug addiction. And yes, you will have to throw away the television and the computer, just as you’d have to remove booze from the home of an alcoholic. Direct SOME of your anger to the peddlers of the swill.

    • Joe Anonymous

      Was echaristic adoration. I suffered from pornography for years, but on the eve of my birthday I spent a long period before the blessed sacrament, and I was clean for over 2 years, I had a relapse of about 8 months at the end of that, but I’m over a year now.

      I can’t any other reason that being before Jesus in the blessed sacrament. If you suffer from this horrid addiction, and there is a adoration chapel (preferably perpetual) nearby, be sure to frequently visit it.

    • Bob G

      I could hardly believe some of the responses to your post. The man you married, and jettisoned, strikes me as an absolute monster. How could any sane person do such things? I admire your integrity, but wonder how you could have been with this person so long and not have known. This is not really a criticism. There was probably an attraction between you two that obscured what to someone else would have been clear. But I wonder if I’ve ever read anything as horrifying and dismaying as your story (except that you escaped). I wish we could get together and discuss it–maybe that would help most of all. Good luck to you.

    • Tom Knarton

      smilies/cheesy.gif …the “actors” choose their careers? Hilarious. I’m sure a lot of the men in porn are more than happy to volunteer but it would seem safe to say that most of the pitiful creatures that end up in porn were driven there by desperation.

      Those that defend porn or refuse to see it’s degrading effects on individuals and society are too hardhearted and/or blinded by pride and ignorance to acknowledge what is plain for all to see.

      The U.S. is awash in pornography, we murder thousands of babies every day…what is that St. Paul said, “given over to their unlawful passions” (paraphrasing). God help us but I have little hope in people’s ability to pull society out of the sewer.

    • Ted

      “This article illustrates the naive notion that censorship makes people more virtuous.”

      This presumes that we are talking about censoring speech. The connection between speech and pornography always has been tenuous at best. In fact, there are new research studies that show pornography changes the neurochemical nature of the brain like what happens to combat veterans.

      So this may in fact not be an issue of censorship or free speech but a matter of public health.

      As for pornography not existing at the time of the Constitution’s writing…. Well, it’s about as old as the world’s oldest profession….

    • Ted

      http://www.familylifecenter.net/

      Check out Steve Wood’s Family Life Center. They have posted many resources there to help people with this.

      Porn is like crack or any other drug….

    • Jay

      I really took heart from those who said their struggle to overcome pornography was helped by a supportive spouse. In my struggle things changed dramatically when I got the support of other men. Rather than just getting an internet filtering program, I recommend a program called X3 watch. Instead of just trying to block pornographic websites (which many people can get around), it instead just keeps track of of potentially objectionably websites, web searches, etc. and emails a list of those sites to your accountability partners. It is a great help and blessing to me to know that my close friends will call instantly if they get an email saying I have slipped (it also sends out an email if you turn off the program or uninstall it). They won’t judge me, but they will pray with me.

    • A therapist

      To the wives here whose husbands have porn and sex addictions, it is not your fault, and your anger and pain are justified. You have been seriously wounded by your spouse’s problem, and you need support and even therapy, too, to heal and to make good decisions.

      To the woman who left her husband because he was hiring escorts, having affairs and viewing porn and wouldn’t stop any of it, it sounds like you did the right thing.

      Courage to all you spouses and addicts dealing with this. You are not alone — this is a big elephant-in-the-room problem, largely undiscussed in Christian circles.

      The first step an addict must take is to truly admit he (or she) has a problem and that it’s controlling his life. Addicts often play down or deny the extent of the problem; they’re so used to lying and deceiving to get their fix. Because of this they must — and their spouse must — treat this like any other addiction: Therapy is required, support groups, getting rid of or restricting use of computers, accountabilities must be set up, and more. Frequent use of sacraments and prayer and other spiritual supports can also be extremely helpful.

      Are there couples who use porn and claim it “enhances” their relationship? Sure. But more often than not, these couples end up in therapy with marriage issues. You can use porn without getting addicted, but it doesn’t change the long-term effects of porn on a marriage, or on an individual’s sense of themselves as a sexual being. Over time, it clouds the mind and judgement, like any other de-humanizing actitivity.

      Those here defending porn are clueless and simply don’t know the extent of the damage wreaked by porn.

    • David

      While I agree mostly with the sentiment of the article, I find it pretty disgusting that the top of this article contains a large image of an obviously sexualized nude Barbie doll toy.

      In my opinion, the use of that sexualized toy image is both lustful, degrading, and inconsistent with the article itself.

    • Mike

      I notice here that the discussion did not cover something important. Porn users often release their feelings in masturbation. Catholic men using porn need to confess this mortal sin in confession to be healed. Second, faithfulness to the sacraments (and of the wife to the addicted husband) is needed for the long haul. The good always wins out, if we don’t give up. I concur that Eucharistic adoration is powerful as well. And lastly, regular, daily, personal prayer — the kind where you take time to just let God do the talking — is essential to any spiritual growth. Letting God in and letting go of everything else for awhile, puts him first and allows his grace to ‘seep in’. The other obstacle can be contraception. This in itself is a misuse of sex, which leads to the abuse that is porn. If that has gone on in the marriage, it needs to be repented and confessed.

      Happily, it’s about time we finally started talking about this. We can try to fight abortion, divorce, etc., but often most of these ills of society and the family really start with porn.

      Porn is having what was supposed to be a deeply human relationship, having that relationship instead with a piece of paper or a movie screen. This is so very, very sad and lonely.

    • Mike

      correction:

      (and faithfulness of the wife to the husband who is addicted)

    • Therese

      Two decades ago I applied for a job with my local library system. The interview was going swimmingly until my response to the question, “As a library assistant, what would you do if an 11 year old boy was looking at pornography in the adult section?”. When I answered that I would suggest to him that the library has a youth section he might want to peruse, the matronly director abruptly stood up and said the interview was over. “The library doesn’t censor!”, she indignantly spat out at me and showed me the door.

      At that time I really needed a job but I wasn’t willing to cooperate in that evil. And ironically, the libraries do censor – just try to request they buy a book supportive of traditional Catholicism. Horrors! They flat out won’t do it – I’ve tried and failed.

    • Mary

      Dear Dannilynn,

      I can so very sympathize with you. My husband after thirty years of marriage revealed to me his secret life. He was addicted to porn already when I married him but I didn’t know. He was always a very angry person and He controlled me with his anger. He was angry because he loathed himself and his secret life. Not only did he look at porn, he also went to strip clubs and eventually prostitutes. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be tested for STD’s! The most pain though, came from the realization of how much different our lives together could have been. I have so many painful memories of his psychological abuse of me because of all of his rage. I stayed in the marriage because I came to believe that his abuse of me was normal. In the bedroom I was merely an object of his instinct. At times he would basically attack me while I was sound asleep!

      Finally because my husband’s life was so out of control, he joined a Sexual Addiction group that is similar to Alcoholics Anonymous and is working the 12 steps. Unfortunately because was he not as committed to the program in the beginning, he had a relapse. Within a few days of looking at the porn, he went back to a prostitute. Words cannot describe the pain of that time for me.

      He has now been “sober” for a whole year and he truly is a different man. He knows now what he is up against in this battle for his soul and he knows that he has to stay in prayer.

      If I ever doubted the existence of God, all I would have to do is to look at the evil spirituality of porn and what it did to my husband, myself and our children. I would know that there has to be an opposite of that evil.

      God is healing me and carrying me through this very painful time and if I hadn’t had a relationship with Him, I don’t know where I would be right now. This is just a very short version of my story as I have written a longer version to share with and help as many people as I can.

    • Faciamus

      Great article, accurate and spot on. My question though is this: Where is the line that says something is pornographic or not?

      It seems to me that it’s not a black and white issue, there is a good amount of gray in the matter. Obviously hard-core porn can be agreed upon as “porn.” But what about more soft-core?

      For instance, Playboy, Hustler & Penthouse are most definitely considered, “porn.” Yet what about Maximum, Stuff, or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition?

      What about lingerie, swimsuit, or fashion catalogs?

      It seems to me that depending upon the upbringing and moral sensibilities of a person would play a role to determine which of these are considered “porn.” Also, although very different publications and intended for different audiences, all of them can be used for sexual arousal, or pornographic purposes.

      In islamic societies, it’s considered immodest for a woman to show her arms or leg above the ankles. In the U.S. it would be hard pressed to find someone who would consider a woman’s arms or lower legs pornographic, but apparently it can be for some.

      Until it can be defined what “porn” actually is, I don’t think the issue will ever be solved.

    • Reverend Doctor Victoria A. Howard

      We all have secrets. We should be allowed to keep some things to ourselves without others invading our privacy and exposing us. While what Tyler Clementi was morally wrong, to expose it was the greater crime. When people do not give permission for others to know their deepest and darkest secrets, then anarchy breaks out and no one has personal dignity or respect. I believe that peering into someone’s personal life should be punishable by the laws of this country.

    • Mena

      “We can not eliminate this type of content. It IS a first amendment issue.”

      The Left cares not a whit for the First Amendment. The political left, which is the chief promoter of “porn as free speech,” is on a mission to outlaw all manner of political and religious speech. The hypocrisy is astounding.

      I argue that America can ban porn and indecency by statute yet protect political speech. It’s up to society to make the rules it wants to live by, and if good people don’t want porn and indecent vulgarity in the public square, then they don’t have to tolerate any form of it. Just ban it and move on with building a decent society. Put it in law. Enforce it with fines.

      As for men, they aren’t wired to reject female sexuality. Just the opposite. As a result, porn activates their biological temperament and holds them in a tight grip. The only way around their biology is to block out porn, either with Internet controls or TV controls. Once porn is in their environment, they’re helpless. It’s a nature thing, and it must be fixed by blocking out porn. There’s no other way. Remember: media controls save souls.

      For women who aren’t familiar with this uniquely male issue, just block out the porn, seek reconciliation, and move ahead with a close eye on the porn controls. Save your husband’s soul with content controls.

    • Christine

      Hi Danilynn,

      You may not be reading the responses to your post, but I am happy that you and the others contributed to this discussion. I am working through a similar situation with my husband.

      I discovered his porn use early into our marriage (we got married in 199smilies/cool.gif. It explained his distance, his lack of sexual need for long periods of time and his comments of dissatisfaction for my figure. I used to think of myself as a pretty woman, but after the discovery, I found myself giving up. I also got into some terrible habits brought on by his use of pornography. Specifically feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and betrayal.

      I urge you to go to frequent confession. I also urge you to speak to your husband and find his triggers. My husband likes to turn to porn when he is stressed out and uncertain about the future. The porn becomes a fantasy world in which he is king and all is perfect. When I notice that he is going through a rough spot, I talk to him, and I confront him about my concerns over him using porn to cope with his difficulties. I take the time remind him that his pornographic escape from the realities of this world result in familial catastrophy. Mainly I try to help him work things out by talking to him and giving him support.

      Our relationship is not perfect but it is getting better. I am still working on the self esteem issues brought on by this terrible scourge of his pornography use, but this burden has helped me work on many of my vices (vanity, lack of charity, lust, etc). My husband is a wonderful man, and I was called through marriage to help him become a better man.

      I urge you to work on your anger. Go to confession – frequently. Seek out spiritual support and PRAY PRAY PRAY. When you get to a point where you are less angry, begin the conversation with your husband about why he uses pornography, when he uses pornography and what it does for him. You can then tell him what his pornography use does to you. After a while, you will learn enough about your man’s weaknesses so that you can support him. Trust me, your relationship will grow when you understand more about his triggers.

      By the way, all of you out there, please pray for my husband. His dad just had a heart attack and his mother has been in extended care due to health issues and I noticed last night that he hung on a little too long to the remote when trying to pass the pornography on TV that, unfortunately, has become prevalent after 8:00 PM on the cable stations on the west coast.

      I will be having the conversation with him tonight. This article was truly a gift to get me to remember what I need to do to care for my guy.

      PS – get over monitoring his internet use. Pornography is everywhere, and he will find a way around the internet blockers. It will also just make you crazy.

    • Henry

      I reccomnd reading the books by “Anne” a lay apostle, especially Heaven Speaks about Addictions to combat the urge to view porn.

    • Mena

      “Get over monitoring his internet use. Pornography is everywhere, and he will find a way around the internet blockers. It will also just make you crazy.”

      Bad advice, Christine. Internet blockers in the home are the most powerful way to keep porn out of the home, and thus out of your husband’s use. Obviously, hubby needs to agree to have controls imposed on all family computers/TVs, but there is no question that this is most powerful solution for porn. Men defeat porn *by being removed from it.* I repeat: Men defeat porn *by being removed from it.* If they have access to it, they are doomed.

      Removing porn channels, Web sites, etc. is the most important thing a couple can do to restore hubby back to sanity. It’s God’s way.

    • Micha Elyi

      On almost any newsstand (or its cable TV equivalent), one can see Playboy and Good Housekeeping side by side. What does any sensible person learn from seeing this odd juxtaposition?
      –Robert R. Reilly

      Even more “side by side” on the newsstand with Good Housekeeping are the magazines Cosmopolitan and Glamour, to name but two examples of female-consumed porn (both of which outsell Playboy by an order of magnitude). Worse, you’ll find the supermarket checkout aisle chock full of these and other female-consumed porn – all unashamedly placed in full view of children.

      Porn includes more than just “dirty pitchers.” Mr. Reilly mentioned the notorious Marquis de Sade, a producer of pornography that did not rely on pictures any more than do so-called romance novels (another variety of the many kinds of female-consumed porn).

      Pause for breath, man-bashers (of all sexes) and think hard about your motives for omitting from your criticism the copious porn consumed by females.

    • Anon

      Daily Mass: check
      Daily Rosary: check
      Frequent Confession: check
      Spiritual Direction: check
      Psychotherapy: check
      12 step group (working the steps): check
      Accountability partners: check
      Cutting off access: check

      After all that I was still addicted…until…

      I learned to to re-train my brain to no longer prefer pornography.

      Sound too good to be true? That’s what I thought, but I had nothing to lose, and now I have gained a life I never previously thought possible.

      http://candeohealthysexuality.com/

      Seriously, it works. Follow the program and find freedom. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than 12 step, and much more effective for the effort you put into it. Not just resistance, avoidance, or whiteknuckling it. You will actual learn to choose the path of virtue as your first instinct. You will train the flesh to serve the spirit.

      Try it.

    • Steve

      The way to deal with porn is actually quite simple. The reason porn is so ubiquitous in our society is because it makes a huge amount of money for the corporations that produce it. The way to drastically decrease porn’s presence in our culture is to pull the plug on the money. This can be done by simply removing copyright protection from pornographic materials.
      The Constitution states that Congress shall have the power to:

      “promote the Progress of Science and USEFUL Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries” [emphasis mine]

      Note that the Constitution does not say that congress MUST grant exclusive rights, only that Congress may grant exclusive rights for things it deems to be “useful”. Since no one can claim that porn is “useful” in any reasonable sense, Congress is completely within its right to simply deny pornographers a copyright for their material.

      This means anyone could reproduce and distribute such materials without penalty of law. Which would destroy the profitability of the industry. Which, in turn, would drastically reduce the amount of pornography produced and distributed in our society.

      Note carefully that nothing in this plan violates the First Ammendment. The industry would not face legal penalties of any kind for producing their material.

    • Dan

      Are the women here lamenting the influence of porn in the lives of their husbands taking care of their figures, or have they let themselves go?

      I’m not trying to be flip here.

      But I’m merely suggesting that women can’t delude themselves that they can put on 12+ pounds and still maintain the sexual interest of their husband.

      It’s just not going to happen.

      A married man has the OBLIGATION to maintain his fitness level for his spouse. And that goes likewise for his wife.

      Certain effects of aging are not going to be fought off, to be sure. But FITNESS can be maintained, and people who are married to one another have the duty to maintain their appearance as best they can.

      “In sickness and in health” doesn’t translate into “throughout all of her endless weight gains….”

    • jamie

      for anyone struggling to stop watching porn or reading salacious material download a program like net nanny and install it and give the password away after setting it up with someone so you can allow websites that are necessary.

    • kate

      you didnt have to ad that picture, statue doll or whatever.. its sick and i wont read the rest of the article.. ugh

    • tertullian

      “But this kind(evil) is only driven out through by prayer and fasting.” …yes, personal conversion and a virtuous life is needed!

      Satan though is so vested in this front(very profitable source of damned souls) and will do all in it’s power to stay in the offence.

      But this war will be won one soul at a time, one family at a time, one generation at a time. When? Only God knows but it starts right now with me!

    • Julian

      “When women dress immodestly, and men despise religion, it is the beginning of the end” – Seneca

    • Mary De Voe

      Only TRUTH has freedom of speech and press. Everything else is perjury in a court of law. Pornography is a lie about human sexuality and perjury in a court of law. Pornography scandalizes our constitutional posterity whose unalienable civil rights are held in trust for them by God, by their parents and by the state in that order. Citizens’ tax dollars may not be spent to support the scandalizing of minor children’s virginity, The children’s souls have been created by our Creator in virginity and perfect innocence, the standard of Justice for our nation.

    • Mary De Voe

      A married man ‘s first obligation is to his spouse’ soul and to his own soul. After practicing the evil of pornography one can become to look like the devil.

    • Aengus O’Shaughnessy

      Dan–that is the shallowest thing I have ever heard. . .
      Yes, I understand that a lad would like his wife to always be a sexy vixen, but really–what if, through some malady, she is bedridden for a time and gains weight? What if she gains twenty pounds while pregnant? Are you going to get an anullment?