IC BLOG ARCHIVES, Uncategorized
09/08/2010

Reflections of a Foster Dad

toycarriage_interiorMy wife and I are quickly approaching the four month anniversary of having two foster children in our household, and although it’s been an experience unlike any other, I can’t help but to feel like an “Associate Member” of the Parent Club. Not that we give our foster children any less love, wisdom, discipline, praise or opportunity… but, it does mean that as legal guardians, we also have to guard our hearts a bit.

Through the process, I’ve come to form many opinions about the foster system. In no particular order…

  1. The foster system is a lumbering behemoth – I count no less than 14 federal, state, and local agencies, and that doesn’t include not-for-profit agencies, which serve as the intermediaries for most of this administrative chaos. As with most systems run with the “best of intentions,” it’s more compliance driven than it is motivated by problem solving. As a result, the tyranny of the checklist rules. Don’t get me wrong, there are some nice people working at these agencies, but “nice” doesn’t solve problems.
  2. It’s crass, but we’re state contractors – Perhaps it’s due to the above, or it’s because of the sheer volume of cases, or maybe it’s simply a flawed system. Whatever the reason, the administrative feel of the foster care program has the same tenor of those providing consultative, construction or agricultural services.
  3. There’s more junk than you can shake a stick at – And I mean junk. Trinkets, crayons, beads, posters, coloring books, fanny packs, book bags — all used as bribes. Whatever happened to simply expecting good behavior? These days, the first thing my foster daughters receive whenever they go anywhere is a bevy of material irrelevance. While well intentioned, these never-ending gifts create a something-for-nothing mentality and can undo any positive behavior being worked on in the background. I’m pleased to say our five-year old now politely turns down stuff (after she receives “The Look”).

I could go on… But I would be completely remiss if I didn’t mention some of the truly great things about being a foster father.

  1. Heart be damned, I love these children – I love them for who they are. I love them for trying. I love their idiosyncrasies — their perfect and imperfect moments. I despise being away from them even for a moment. They learn, emulate, and try. They attend Traditional Latin Mass with us, and the five-year old has learned how to say Grace, the Our Father and the Hail Mary (the latter two in English and Latin). I take care of them as if they were my own.
  2. I’m finally getting this whole “God, the Father” thing – I’ve never really appreciated the love that God has for me — for us — as I have since becoming a foster father. It has caused me to reflect on my relationship with the Holy Trinity. God’s corrections, patience, encouragement, and tenderness — these have taken on a far deeper meaning.
  3. The Tampa Children’s Home is fantastic – Yes, the men and women at our licensing agency are absolute rock stars. These folks are the masters at the “more with less” dictum. They’re conscientious, sensitive, and administratively squared away. If the entire system were staffed by these folks, there wouldn’t be any problems.

So that’s it, the good and the bad. Anyone else have foster parent experiences they’d like to share?

Laurance Alvarado Laurance Alvarado is a senior director with a prominent New York-based international turnaround and restructuring firm and the board chairman of the Morley Publishing Group. Over the last 25 years, he's run consulting practices in Washington, D.C., Latin America, and the Middle East and has done business in more than 20 countries. He is active in social concerns, attends Traditional Latin Mass, and is a member of the Pinellas Schola Cantualis. He's a cycling enthusiast, commutes around Washington on a Brompton, races Porsches, and competes in anything with wheels. He's a native Texan from San Antonio and a Texas Aggie who served his country in the Air Force. He loves history, strategy, free enterprise, sailing, dogs, and -- most of all -- his bride of 18 years.
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2 Comments

  • Erika Morron 09/08/2010 2:52 pm

    I am also a foster parent.  We have been foster parents for a little over a year.  We fostered two teenage sisters that we also adopted February of 2010.  The entire experience with them was nothing like all the horror stories you hear in all the classes.  Soon after their adoption, we took on 3 siblings, with the warning “These are the hardest kids in town!”  Oh please, we thought.  We just adopted some well known girls who have been around the foster system 6 years, and now they are perfect!!  Well, I didn’t know what I got myself into.  You are absolutely right when referring to our Father’s love.  I have to keep reminding myself why these kids act in such wild ways.  We held on for 6 months, but in the end, they all needed to be separated from each other.  We now have a 17 year old that we intend to adopt, and two other teenagers that are passing through.  We look forward to the future and hope to adopt three more along the way.  Nothing could be more helpful to me than prayers, my own and my friends.  God has called us to this, and we hope to help heal the broken children that walk through our doors.

  • Stono 09/10/2010 5:08 am

    Thank you and your wife for serving Gods children through the foster program. I’m not married, so I’m not a fp myself, but I spent time with a very kind couple when my family was going through a difficult time when I was a kid. I still treasure their example to me. You have no idea how much positive influence you can have.